NewscomaGot A Two-Pack Habit And A Motel Tan

I’m the puny one, dammit. Give me my couch back.

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I still feel pooptacular but I thought I would post this for pshaw as I’ve been busy and remiss on my pic posting.

And, I never said the nieces could spell. This appears to be Bear’s handiwork but one never knows.

I feel yucky today. I feel like I ate a stale cheesy poof and the same reaction is happening to me that happened to the brave, kind Mabel last night after Homer tainted her.

Barfing is not fun. I have no idea why this is happening but I feel craporiffic.

NSFW Alert:

Is this real? If it is, I have to tell you, there are going to be a lot of happy guys around the world although the growth time on this guy’s forearm would be problematic when one is shopping at the Wal-Mart. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to avert my eyes.

H/T to Tits.

If you don’t like talk about female parts, you might want to go here.

Okay, I’m waiting.

Good. Here we go. It’s been a little less than three months since the hysterectomy. (Ednaectomy if you have been following this blog for awhile.)

Here’s what I have learned and so I thought I’d share.

First of all, I made the mistake to go back to work too early. I also have realized that I was a hell of a lot sicker than I even knew and now that I’m feeling better it amazes me how bad I actually felt. So, if anyone who is reading this who has a hystie in their future, take the time to heal. My other mistake was to think I had to be strong during the weeks before the surgery, the actual surgery and the healing. I think my Ego got in front of being rational to a degree.

Second of all, I’ve always been the kind of person that if you are sick, you wait it out and get back to work by golly because that’s being plucky. But the thing is, that there are changes in your body. I tried to do the same things I had always done right about three weeks after surgery. I’m paying for that now and what I mean is that the tireds have hit and I think a lot of that has to come from doing the Mary Sunshine thing combined with having an organ removed. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve knocked out a lot of being Mary friggin’ Sunshine because it wasn’t always conducive for my mental health or others for that matter. I believe a lot of that has to do with getting back into the swing of things when I wasn’t truly ready to. I have an employee who just had a baby and Homer has plopped a couple of kids out, and she said it takes time for the body to get back into some sort of normalcy. Never having had kids, I can only imagine that that is true and the hystie is the only thing I have a reference point to.

Third of all, being that I had a partial, I find I still have some of the symptoms of Aunt Flo coming to visit once a month but that is SO much better now that I can’t even begin to explain. On the other hand, my body had Edna for 40 years. Sometimes I think my body and I have a conversation that goes like this:

Body: “Hey.”

Brain: “What do you want?”

Body: “Have you seen Edna? You know that cranky uterus that used to hang out here. I can’t seem to locate her.”

Brain: “She’s gone.”

Body: “Well, damn. I keep getting her mail. Where’d she go?”

Brain: “Would you shut up. We’ve gone through this.”

Body: “Yeah, you’re right but I just sort of feel like something is missing.”

Brain: (in a moment of clarity) “Me too.”

A couple of the fine women who come to this blog told me it would take about a year to get back in fighting shape. They were right on the money there. I’ve been very fortunate that I haven’t put on any additional weight and that’s of the good. The other thing I’ve experienced is after Edna left this world, that my body is making adjustments. So I’ve been trying to take better care of myself (I’m terrible at that. Health conscious, I ain’t.) I realized I hadn’t really taken any alone time. I like being alone (and it’s much different than being lonely but at the commune, there usually is a great deal of activity) and I think that is part of the mental health thing that everyone needs. My brain sometimes gets crazy anyway and being that I figure I probably suffer from a bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder it’s good to get my thoughts in order.

Most women I know will say one of two things after this kind of surgery. “I haven’t had any problems” or “It was horrible. It took me forever to get over it.”

I haven’t really had either of those things. It wasn’t really hard to get over the hystie (the bladder sling was pretty bad), but it has been challenging to deal with my body making adjustments. So I’m trying to take care of that. I’m not going out as much, prefering to stay at home. I like socializing a lot, but on the other hand, it’s not always the best thing when going through the healing. Granted, I’m still not up to doing the Hokey-Pokey (cause that’s what its all about.)

So here are some rambling thoughts. I’m fine. Tired sometimes but fine. If you’ve never gone through this, it is a big deal. If your going to go through it, take care of yourself. And if you have gone through it, I’d love to hear your experiences with it.

Photo taken last weekend in the bathroom of P & H Cafe, Memphis. 

I’m going through a period of time where I really dig the oldest niece.

She is morphing.

Not quite tween, not quite over being petulant at times and as interested in her dolls as she is in the boy who is making her feel “funny” who lives in the neighborhood.

Good Lord, she is growing up and there is good (and then the pre-tween stuff that will make the adults in her world seek Xanax.)

But the thing that she does that I like is that she is not only very aware of what is going on the world around her (this must include Hannah Montana and Pres. George Bush, ironically. I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.) but that she is really funny. The littlest niece is a fashion maven, confident and most likely headed for a life that she chooses.

The oldest one has gone through some awkwardness  but on the other hand, she is whip smart. And she is funny. Very, very funny. She calls me Frizzy McFrizz because of my curly hair (smartass.) I have seen the movie Down With Love fifteen times now. I really need to just go and get her  Pillow Talk because, well, I think she would be smitten with it. She is not a nostalgic child, but she loves Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys.

Who doesn’t dig the Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys? She wants to take over as the Carolyn Keene writer. I think that’s just fine.

I think that Homer and Squeegee Monkey are really great parents. They have raised some absolutely wonderful children.

Me, I’m the sideshow act in the family but I’m also the surrogate older female in their lives (damn, the OLDER female in their lives. I sigh) but since my mother died, I try to do what I can. The little one asked to call me grandmother about a year ago and I didn’t know whether or not to laugh or cry.

You see, they don’t have that. Homer and I did. It’s sad but that’s the life I lead. We had things. They don’t. You adapt.

I went to watch a Pee-wee Championship basketball game last night with Corn (the oldest) and they lost miserably. On the other hand, she could have cared less because she got a second place trophy and she was with her friends. She lost a molar on the court, played some decent defense and she ran like a girl.

Yeah, she ran like a little girl with the wind in her hair hanging out with her buds. She didn’t give a crap her team lost. And my throat constricted.

I remember when she was born and how happy I was. Other than her parents, I can’t imagine a person happier on this earth when that kids said hello to this planet. I was scared for her and ultimately delighted. I can’t have kids, so this was the next best thing. (Damn, I wish my mother was here to see her play and have fun. Big Daddy came to watch and I was so happy that he did. He lives in the suburbs of Hooterville (Yikes, he needs to move to town) and a deer will wreck your car in a second just for fun. I am not kidding. She was happy he came too.)

So, in three years, she will be a teen. I hope she does well. I really do. And as for her little sister, well, Corn is going to have her hands full once they get out of that stage of beating the shit hell out of each other.

And this is of the good.

Okay campers, we haven’t done any Bigfoot news in a while so let’s get right to it, shall we?

The Central Oregon Cascades are an inviting place to visit for all the traditional spring and summer activities: hiking, fishing, sightseeing, Bigfoot-hunting…Huh?

Glum news for those hoping to join the 25 to 45 or so Sasquatch hunters who will be looking for a week in June for signs of the elusive, legendary beast: the Bigfoot Field Research Organization’s (http://bfro.net) Central Oregon Expedition is already sold out.

I read in this story that Bigfoots (or is it Bigfeet? I must ponder this) are nocturnal creatures.

Rex and I are not alone.  If I win the lottery, I’m going on a Bigfoot hunt. The key is I can hire someone to carry the cooler and to drive me back to the Marriot before I actually have to do something crazy like camp out.

“If you don’t give me the damned clicker right now,” Squirrel Queen said about ten minutes ago. “I will seriously start screaming.”

As I did not want to hear SQ start yelling, I gave up the remote willingly.  We are now watching “Naked History” on the History Channel.

I’ll watch it when she covers a game next week. Or not.

“Okay, I thought about this in the shower and I believe I’ve identified what that brain niggle is that has been troubling me. This administration does not trust the people of this country. They don’t trust the public. They don’t trust the judicial branch. They don’t trust anyone. So why should we trust them?”

Kathy T. responds to a news story she read this morning. Kathy is a mother, a businesswoman, a wife, a college graduate, active in her community and a blogger. Visit her here.