‘Coma Ramblings
I’ve read a lot about folks having an extended version of Blue Monday. I’ve even had it. January is such a weird month. The freezing, bitter wind yesterday literally took my breath away when I stepped outside, almost challenging me to breath.
I’ve been nesting lately. Staying at home, saving money for my property taxes and needing a break from the world around me. Someone, it may have been Scout, mentioned yesterday that I’m becoming more of a homebody. That’s fair. I think that the weather and the expectations of a new year is overwhelming and those expectations, for me at least, come from somewhere deep within me in a place I didn’t even know existed. I feel sometimes I’m at a crossroads because there is so much I want to do but real life puts limitations on what can actually be done.
Or am I putting those limitations on myself, fearful of failure and that being the motivating factor that keeps me in place. You see, I don’t want to stand in place any longer, but the only one keeping me there is, well, … me.
So I’m doing other things. I had a great conversation recently about photography. I’ve always felt like I was limited to a severe lack of equipment but then I go look at this guy taking amazing photos with cameras similar to ours at the paper and I got to thinking.
There are no crutches in life. The only person who limits our own creativity is us. So I called my editorial staff into my office and we looked through them. Then we looked through a vast array of other photographic pieces at flickr and I said to them that we need to push ourselves to the limit. And there was some excitement and respect of other people’s art forms. And I went home, feeling pretty good because we had all made a commitment to get better, realizing that it was up to us.
Yeah, I have serious issues of letting my job define me, but I’m moving away from that. Sitting in court yesterday, I realized that there are some things I’m really good at, somethings I have some natural ability at and other things around me that is just background noise. The conference in Memphis a couple of weeks ago also set some examples of me using crutches to limit myself.
I’m going to start throwing the crutches away.
I’m done with that, I think. I’m human. I’ll make mistakes but the time has come to step up and move. And grow.
So, I’m on a journey. And because there are no rules and the journey is within myself, it’s pretty scary. I have no idea where I’m headed, but what the hell, my bags are packed. I’m ready to see what I’m really made of. I realize none of this makes any sense, but I’m up for what’s behind the next curtain on the big old game show of life.
Yeah, I’m being reflective.
The inner journey is the greatest one of all..
Bon Voyage!
Thanks. It’s funny deciding on a journey and not leaving the place where you are, just on the inside.
Majorly cool.
Reflective is good. Hope it works out!
It is so scary when you reach that point, but had my husband and I not done that nearly four years ago, we’d still be in Lexington, Ky in horrible jobs with few friends. We are so grateful we made our big move. Good luck!
Thanks for the kind words about my pictures — and let me just reassure you that the camera is nothing.. Okay, not NOTHING, but it’s certainly not a limitation.. Some of my absolute favorite pictures I took with my little Powershot.. For me it’s always been about getting out there and taking an assload of pictures, thinking about them, working on the basics, etc..
The project365 (pic a day) thing has really helped me tremendously in thinking about composition more, for what it’s worth..
Good for you! I’m cheering you on – the fast lane is just the fast lane. There’s a point in time that it’s really ok to take the scenic route; you’ll have to take stock of what makes sense and means the most to you – I thought chasing after stock options and being away from my family for four years for the big payoff was ….
It was just meaningless. On your journey, fuel up with a little wisdom along the way and enjoy the ride. Good stuff ahead.
I was thinking this morning as I read this that even though I know change and moving on to other things can be some overwhelming and frightening stuff – you just sound very peaceful right now, my friend.
Lynnster:I think its more of an inner journey. Sort of like Chris said. I was just seeing there is so much around me that can be useful.
Chris, thanks. Your photos are really inspirational and I saw you were using a Powershot on some of them, it got me thinking about how we have limited ourself.
Kerry- As always, thank you.