Newscoma

Things I have done today because life gets in the way. I miss my carefree life of smoking filterless Camels and drinking Bartlye and James and saying “Feh”.

Wait, I’ve never done that except for the “Feh” part.

Let’s take a look at the wild life of me which isn’t that wild.

1. I had a lovely potato soup today at Baroque DX. It’s becoming the Zen to the madness I suffer. A real coffee shop in Hooterville and, by golly, who knew? Not I. Bless them. I think I’m crying. Seriously. Real tears and everything.

2. I chased a dog who jumped a fence who was going after a school bus this afternoon. This is Squeegee Monkey’s dog, weighs about 700 lbs. and can have a very funky attitude. To see me running after this dog must not have been a pretty sight for anyone. Then the damn dog lost interest. And I needed oxygen.

3. It appears I cannot find Squirrel Queen. She does this occasionally. People need to get lost every once in awhile.

4. I love you people. Honestly, I do. You always give me a happy. But, call it penis, woo-woo, happy friend, ha-ha place, Seth … whatever. I love ya, but arrrggghhh. I don’t have kids, not giving advice. The nieces say penis and vagina, as well as spleen, breasts, heart, lungs and brain. I know, I don’t have kids and to hear the little one say vagina in public is always freaky, but they don’t say Hoo-Hoo. I think you do what you are comfortable with. I also am not crazy about the term po-po. Just saying. But if it makes the innertubes happy, I’m cool with that.

5.  Sometimes it’s the kindness and transparency from people you don’t know but who live in your world that makes the day just a bit better.

6.  Good news if you ask me. Beer, coffee or a sammich on me, dude.

7. Election stuff that you might want to know via Russ at TennViews.

8.  Why am I not surprised?

9. Badger and I trekked to Burger King today. I bought this. It took five of us to eat it early this morning. I almost died. It is a Tums special. I was really looking into funeral insurance there for awhile. I don’t do fast food that much. Why did I buy it in the first place? I have no idea. (Actually it was nasty, naughty, gross yet tasty in a way that made you want to cut your hair with blunt Kindergarten scissors and live on goat cheese.)

10.  I have never called a gun “heat” but then again, I’m not O.J. Simpson.

I know, I know.

But it’s my world, sans filterless Camels, and I’m OK with it, ’cause, you know, it’s mine.

Okay, I’m going here. I just can’t help it.

Paris Hilton is helping drunk elephants? If it isn’t true, then by-Damn, it should be.

AND ….

Britney failed her drug test.

I do these things for you so you don’t have to.

Please buy me beer next time you see me and talk some sense into me.

I will thank you.

The Tennessee Democrats just put Newscoma on their mailing list. I’m quite thankful, actually.

Wonder how that happened?

Hmmm.

Anyway, I tease because I can and because I care.

Seriously.

Are any of you guys watching this over in Nashville?

Kleinheider does work at a television news station, you know. Supposed to go get, I dunno, news.

Political wranglings ensue as Hobbs questions his sources. Intriguing, but I wouldn’t reveal my  sources either. And neither would anyone else I wouldn’t think. You give an anonymous source up, you tend to lose them and others.

And, maybe Kleinheider just asked the right questions.

I have just plum been out of the blogosphere too much lately ’cause I missed this and it’s juicy. 

I’m with our lovely soon-to-be-Californian Brittney Gilbert who says in the comments, “This. Is. Hilarious.”

Dear Homer,

Remember that big freak-out I had Saturday morning about Asa Corn? Remember all I could do was spit and look all menacing and acted really weird because I couldn’t articulate what I was trying to say?

Remember me sputtering?

Well, my pal Aunt B. has a few words for a young person she also has in her life that is Asa Corn’s age. She doesn’t sputter. She didn’t even stutter once like I did:

First, you are embarking on what can be the most difficult time in your life.  It won’t necessarily be.  I don’t want to freak you out unnecessarily.  But you’re so smart and 13-18 seems pretty much designed to make smart, confident, outgoing kids’ lives into weird hells.  Part of this is just life.  Part of it is that, for the first time, you’ll be facing incredibly important challenges and you won’t have anything to judge it against.  Believe me.  Your whole life, you will find you have put your faith in the wrong people.  The first time it happens, it sucks so bad you almost can’t believe a person can go through it and live.  But after a few times, you start to recognize the people that are no good for you long before it gets to the point where they can hurt you.

Please go read the rest over there. She says it better than I can and you’ll see what she’s talking about when you head to her place.

Damn words. I just don’t know how to always use them with people I love. So I’ll let B. do it for me.

I love you, Homer.

Your Sister,

Newscoma

Newser and MSNBC both have new looks on their websites.

I like it.

Can Britney Spears not afford a driver?

Seriously.