NewscomaGot A Two-Pack Habit And A Motel Tan

Okay, I laughed.

This is fun. Well, not fun for those striking for the Writers Guild on the picket lines, but this guerilla stuff is a hoot.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzRHlpEmr0w]

From the writers of The Daily Show, I give you a moment of Zen from the picket line.

It’s always good to have a sense of humor.

I have no entertaining skills when it comes to the holidays. If you want a Pabst Blue Ribbon (I’ll be having a Bass, as I’m wont to do) and some cheetos, I’m your girl.

And cheese. Yeah, I dig cheese.

Anyway, I found this list online and it made me wonder what I’m doing wrong. And, the original article is here. And it’s called Foxy Festivities so I listed their advice just for you, campers. My answers are in red.

1. Reserve the bird Reserve a turkey and schedule a pick-up, so you avoid racing around at the last minute to find the perfect one.

Okay, no. They are in the frozen turkey section at the grocery store which usually has a lot of people rooting around for 2 more ounces of rock-hard bird. Not gonna do any reserving of Tom Turkey. We usually eat chicken anyway.

2. Brush up Dust off your linens. Wash and iron them so they are table-ready.

Ironing. Next. Paper towels are your friend. Or your sleeve. Have another Pabst.

3. Dig in Dig up those Thankgiving-exclusive utensils that you’ll need, including items such as gravy boats and turkey carvers. This way you’re not scrambling on Thanksgiving day.

I have a gravy boat. Okay, I’ll get that out. I like the words “gravy boat.” Wait, it’s not my gravy boat. It’s Homer’s. I’m not allowed to touch it.

4. Lighten up Stock up on candles: tapers, along with some pillars and votives in autumnal hues to adorn your home.

I buy candles all the time. No biggie here. What is a taper? We have goats around here. Will that do? Aren’t they in the same family?

5. Order in Place an order for a centerpiece or floral arrangement. If you plan on making your own, order flowers for your local shop to set aside for you. Consider gourds and pumpkins for your table or around your home.

I will not order a flower arrangement, but that money can go to hooch and pickled okra. The table is filled with magazines I have to read. Just scoot them over if you come over. And old newspapers. I will buy a gourd, just to be Foxy Festive and classy

6. Easy freeze Prep and freeze homemade cranberry sauce ahead of time.

I’ll freeze some jello shooters. I don’t like jello shots but I had one last week and only gagged a little and then had another. That’s how it goes. I will also freeze some water. It becomes this crazy thing called ice. My parties are BYOB. I will supply some Dr. Pop, SunDrop and Shasta. What time are you coming again?

7. Make arrangements Create place cards for your guests. Purchase plain cards and address ‘em up with a rubber stamp or ribbon.

Oh, that’s funny. Really. I’m laughing.

8. Mix it up Be your own DJ by crafting a music playlist. Burn CDs or create a long holiday mix on your iPod.

No problem on this one. I hope you like Miles Davis and Johnny Cash.

9. Refresh your refreshments Load up on wine and beverages. Make sure you have ample glassware.

PARTY! Where are the Solo cups!?!!

10. Give thanks Thanksgiving should include a ritual where everyone expresses what they are thankful for. Make “Thanks” cards for all your guests to write down why they are grateful.

No problem. I will give thanks. I’m glad to be alive everyday, thankful for a great family, superfriends (not to be confused with the Wondertwins) and a moderately good life. I give thanks everyday. I’ll do it with more gusto next week. Pinkie Promise.

I’m really a better guest than I am a party thrower.

I know a good juke joint if you are interested. It just depends on what you are in the mood for.

I’m 5-years-old sometimes.

Joe Powell is pissed. And, to be honest, I’m with him. This is ridiculous.

The state’s legislative committee reviewing/re-writing open government meeting laws needs to stop and close up shop, revoke all recommendations and go back home. After first deciding to allow for more elected officials to meet and make decisions on public policy in secret, they now offer exemptions of open meeting laws which only enhance perceptions of corruption.

Give ‘em hell, Joe. And it shouldn’t be convenient for politicians. It’s not their government.

It’s the people’s.

Also, go read Michael Silence’s take here. VERY interesting.

Jeez.

The writers for The Late Show with David Letterman have a blog.

Here’s a taste:

So, I must admit, I was a little frustrated. I angrily spun around and screamed, “Quiet! We’re trying to shoot here!” Instead of being greeted by a drunken lout, however, I found myself staring at CBS President/CEO/Muckety-Muck Les Moonves wearing a suit whose value is more than what the WGA is asking for in this strike.

He shot me a look of pure hate that I normally only get from women I’m dating. It was a look that said, “Mark my words, someday you’ll pay for this!”

Mr. Moonves, I’m sorry for getting angry. I thought you were a drunken loudmouth. Wait, that didn’t come out right at all. But I’m sorry. Very, very sorry. Very, very, very sorry. It’s just I was so focused on creating top-notch comedy for your fine network, I didn’t realize who you were. Let’s just forget it, sir. I want to get back to creating top-notch comedy for your fine network. Thank you.

Tom Ruprecht

The writers are keeping a day-to-day account on the strike. And, some of it is really funny.

Check it out if you are so inclined. It’s pretty informative as well.

Is it just me or is this whole Judith Regan/Bernark Kerik/Rudy Guiliani/Rupert Murdoch thing sorta make you guys want to take a shower?

Anyone?

One of my favorite writers while I was growing up was Ira Levin. “Rosemary’s Baby” is one of, in my opinions, the most under-appreciated horror novels in the last 40 years. It was a big deal when it came out, but I guess it doesn’t have the impact it once did. It came from a time when the voice of pop culture savvy mixed with ironic darkness were unleashed on the American Public. Unresolved religious issues, dealing with the new roles of women in the ’60’s, greed to succeed at any cost and such a subtle tongue-in-cheek humor that still makes me sway.

Man, “Rosemary’s Baby”, although dated now due to those very issues, is outstanding. It’s one of those rare times, as well, that the movie and the book aligned nearly perfectly. I think the only time that I can recall on this fine fall morning that happening was with the tone and style of “To Kill A Mockingbird.”

Jeez. I loved the work of Ira Levin.

Other works included “The Stepford Wives” “The Boys From Brazil” and (Writer’s Note: updated as I was wrong about authorship. Thanks Sarcastro.) adapted the play from the novel “No Time For Sergeants.” He also wrote the Broadway hit “Death Trap”.

He was one of those novelists that communicated through his words. What I mean by that is that it was fast food reading candy that bored into the reader’s cranium with a savvy cleverness that was his signature.

Who can forget in “Rosemary’s Baby” the line “He has his father’s eyes.” We are talking the devil’s baby making all goo-goo infant eyes at Rosemary while all the old folks in the coven know that for Baby Satan to survive, he needed his mother, thus they all, begrudgingly, had to play nice. Brilliant!

Levin died Monday from a heart attack.