Newscoma

9:00 It’s almost hour three. Hell, why not as I speak to myself . Keely Smith needed to sing on her own campers. Grammy for Rock Album goes to The Foo Fighters. Woot.

8:56 Feist is always fun.

8:55 My mother made me listen to Tapesty by Carole King every day of my life during 3rd and 4th grade. She looks great. EVERY DAY People. Fiest is up.

8:54 I’m distracted by a story I just saw about people born with tails. I can’t help it.

8:50 Here’s a list of who’s one so far. Icky Thump won. Woot.

8:43 There isn’t anything better than cool trumpets.

8:40 Aretha and The Winans. Aretha, oh Aretha. She is a swirl of yellow chiffon.

8:37 Kanye giving his acceptance speech. Being gracious sorta. Saying something about his mom. Asked them to stop the music. “It would be a good time to stop the music there …” He’s right. Hell, remember Julia Roberts going on forever at Oscar. Yeah, I had time to get a college degree and cook a five course dinner when she gave that one. Yeesh.

8:35 Thank God that’s over. Now for the Grammy for best Rap Album. Niece loves Akon. I kinda like the Kiss, Kiss guy. Chris Brown… is that right? Anyway, the winner is Kanye West for Graduation. And I kinda want his jacket too. I like jackets. Sue me. He can complain no more. Where is 50 cent? I want to see a brawl.

8:33 Brad Paisley is singing about Ticks. I am, umm, whaaa, confused. Is this a hit? ‘Course my nieces call me Aunt Tick but it’s about tickling not checking for parasitic bugs in a love song. Sigh …

8:30 George Lopez was funny on Reno 911. Introducing Brad Paisley. I’ve never heard him before so I guess I’m a virgin no longer.

8:25 While watching commercial, I’m singing “They said I need to go to rehab I said No, No, No.” Foo Fighters were the best performance of the night in my opinion. Pondering if I should get hair extensions because it apparently is something every one but me is getting. I’m thinking in a lovely cranberry color.

8:18 Jason Bateman is announcing the winner for the Grammy Orchestra. And the winner is Anne Marie Calhoun. She was hella fun. And now it’s the Foo Fighters…. And they are rocking. Remember Dave Grohl was the Devil in the Tenacious D movie. Not David Groh from Rhoda.

8:12 SONG OF THE YEAR IS Amy Winehouse’s The Irony Song…, DAMMIT. She is good. Sorry campers, I love her singing. Not so hot on the blonde beehive but dang she can sing in that alto like nobody’s business.

8:10 And the house goes wild. WHAT… Andy Williams with Nelly Furtado? First Grammy host of the show.

8:08 Beyonce is channeling Tina from 1970. Okay, that’s groovy. Tina is channeling Tina from 1970.

8:07 Beyonce returns to the stage. She’s not wearing Rhianna wheat. For this I’m proud. Wait, did I say proud. It’s Proud Mary, bitches!!! (Channeling Ivy.)

8:05 I want to be Tina Turner when I grow up.

8:03 Tina looks awesome. I look like hell and I’m a quarter of century younger than she is. Dang. And she has a good wig too. Britney, CALL THEM!

8:01 If Cher can have a cool wig, why can’t Britney Spears find one? Beyonce is cool. OOOhhhh, Tina Turner. Sing Nutbush City Limits Dammit!!!