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Tom and his wife Alice went to the state fair every year, and every year Tom would say, ‘Alice,I’d like to ride in that helicopter.’

Alice always replied, ‘I know Tom, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars’

One year Alice and Tom went to the fair, and Tom said, ‘Alice, I’m 73 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.’

To this, Alice replied, ‘Tom that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.’

The pilot overheard the couple and said, ‘Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won’t charge you! But if you say one word, it’s fifty dollars.’

Tom and Alice agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot tur ned to Tom and said, ‘By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!’

Tom replied, ‘Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Alice fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!’

And our other winner is Ivy who told us this joke:

cannot resist- this is my favorite joke of all time.

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. He wanders around the bar, talking to various tables and then comes back and orders another beer. While he’s waiting for the bartender, he says, “Hey bartender, I’m a betting man. And I’d love to make you a bet. I bet you $1000 that I can bite my eye.”

The bartender, being a betting man himself, takes him up on the bet. And the man pulls out his glass eye and bites it. The bartender’s mad, but pays out, and the guy goes back to wandering around the bar, talking to people.

Some minutes later, he comes back and orders another beer. “Now, bartender,” he said, “I know that wasn’t very fair, so I’ll make you another bet, double or nothing. I bet you that I can bite my other eye.”

The bartender thinks about it for a minute. The guy’s walking around without a cane or anything, so surely he didn’t have two glass eyes. “Okay, I’ll take you up on that bet,” he said.

The man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. Now the bartender’s really mad. He pays out and resolves not to bet with this guy again.

The guy resumes talking to people in the bar, but comes back again soon. “Look, bartender,” he said, “I know I’ve been hitting you with some trick bets, so this one, there’s no trick to it at all, I promise. I’ve been hitting the beer pretty hard and I have to pee. I bet you $5000 that you can slide a shot glass down the bar and I’ll pee into it and won’t spill a single drop.”

“Oh, what the hell,” says the bartender, “I’ve lost enough money already, and I’d like to see a guy who can do this. You’re on.”

So the bartender slides the shot glass down the bar and the guy just pees all over the bar. It’s everywhere. The bartender jumped up and down, shouting, “WHOO HOO! I WIN! I KNEW YOU COULDN’T DO IT!!”

The guy pays out, and the bartender calms down a bit and asks him, “Now, you knew you couldn’t get all that pee in a shotglass. Why’d you do it?”

The guy says, “See those 4 guys at that table over there? I bet them each $5000 that I could pee all over your bar and you’d be happy about it.”

Now, all the winners have to do is send me their snail mail address and your CDs will go in the mail by the end of this week.

And special thanks to Dirk Diggler for judging the contest and to Jackie and Dunlap for making this all possible.