Annoying Autobiographical Pause #87
Yesterday was a very odd day and I own it. It was one where I couldn’t breathe trying to make sense of some things that have happened over the past couple of weeks and how things had snowballed. This might get a little personal, so if that’s not your thing, look at this picture of a skunk on a leash.
After awhile, I thought that I was, to put a personal spin on it, grieving. Grief is a funny thing. Sometimes it just shows up, gives you an asswhupping and then you have to heal from an emotional beating. I admit, I froze up yesterday like a statue.
Rex and The Vol Abroad write about being positive and I think that’s excellent. We don’t need to be frozen, as Rex writes. And this post by Christopher Penn is a must read.
Now, let me explain my worries as my grief will make more sense. About eight years ago I had a medical emergency that tapped every bit of my savings and I spent five days in ICU (it’s something I don’t want to get into, quite frankly.) Two years ago, I had major surgery and what little savings I had built up were gone. Again.
That’s neither here nor there really, but I’ve spent the best part of eight years playing catch up. I had health insurance, campers, but the bills were overwhelming.
There are people like me who are panicking a bit, but as an optimist, I think I’m going to be all right. However, I’m not alone. There are thousands of people like myself that made sound business decisions that were annihilated due to unexpected emergencies. And what happened in our government in the last few weeks is overwhelming. I heard yesterday that the Domestic Violence Program that I spent thousands of hours trying to secure here is going to shut it’s doors. I got on the phone, called people and am trying to assist the best that I can. I grieve the loss of that program not because of my involvement, but because people need it.
Because that’s just life.
This isn’t a geographical issue, it’s a just a reality. Sometimes folks get bad breaks. I have had it MUCH luckier than other people I know and for that I’m grateful.
And that’s where the grief comes in. But grief is fleeting.
For me, I’m looking, as Aunt B said so sweetly in an email to me, to get into the lifeboat to escape the sinking ship and that’s really scary. I love Hoots, but I also know that I’m up against a wall.
But, I’m the woman that says do something every day that scares you and I haven’t changed my mind on that one.
So I’m looking to blog against despair as The Vol Abroad says.
I’ve always thought that good things come out of bad ones, but you have to get through the murky fog to see the sun.
And that’s all right too.
I went thru a bit of a meltdown of my own yesterday, for other reasons, but it was still a meltdown.
So, I went outside, and sat on the front porch of the house. The neighborhood was still and relatively quiet, squirrels were scurrying around trying to collect their nuts for the winter, people were arriving home from work at rushing in the house to cook dinner. And the thought occurred to me that the sun was still shining the same, the air was still good to breathe and that the world would keep turning, no matter what.
I think I said it on Twitter – I’m on cold meds, so I’m a bit loopy as to what I’ve said to anyone lately – but I’ve been in your shoes. It sucks and it’s scary. But you will emerge from this a stronger person. And you’ll find skills that you either haven’t used in a while, or strengths that you didn’t know you could put to use toward making money. There are lessons to be learned in this for all of us. Bottom line, this too shall pass.
If you can escape the sinking ship, my advice would be to do so. I stayed on my own ship going down a few years back. I’ll never do that again.
if there’s anything i can do, let me know. if you ever feel the need to just go bleah, I’m here for ya.
I wrote those things to remind myself that I have made it through some tough times in the past — and am still standing. It’s like the whole stages of grief thing. Disbelief, anger, etc. Everyone’s walking around a little scared these days — and, frankly, in a state of shock because we don’t really know what the economic situation we’re in is all about. I know it sounds trite to say “hang in there,” so I won’t. But that’s what we’re all going to have to do.
Beth, sinking ships, well they aren’t that great. Thanks for your feedback. It’s nice to know that this too shall pass.
Badger, I’ll be all right. Just had a moment.
Rex, we need to read those things that are positive and you are doing well at saying it’s not all gloom and doom. I guess by me being so personal here is just to say to folks, we are all in this together in one fashion or another.
Thanks for commenting to each and every one of you.
You are loved.