Dear New York Times
Dear New York Times,
My name is Skeeter Bob Alice Hatfield. I am interested in writing for that there paper you got up there in the big city. I like big cities. I’d a sent my job page to you before but I was busy completing our moonshine harvest and then meth season is coming in so I had to take a bit of time eating three squares up at the jail. I’m out on good behavior. And I got me some new shoes from Wal Mart that the warden gave me as a going away prezzie.
I ain’t ever seen a dog fight but I did see two raccoons get intimate out on the farm one time and the only time I’ve ever seen a chicken is when grandpoppa would ring their necks for a country dinner.
Uncle Hubpie has a rebel flag, but when he got married to his first cousin Bertha, she made it into a table cloth with napkins for the wedding. It was purty.
I got seven dogs and they is all named George.
I’d love to come to the Big Apple. I promise to clean my camos and we can set over a cold PBR and talk about journamalism.
The big story here right now is the economy. With all the plants shutting down, all of us rednecks are moving north. I’ll just set my RV up in that big old Park you gots in the middle of the city.
I like toast.
See you soon,
Skeeter
(Editorial note: NYT’s, that the biggest asshat, stupid ad I’ve ever seen. Shame on you. You want stereotypes, you got it.)
I cannot stop laughing at this.
I like toast too.
What about a dog fighting a chicken while wearing Confederate flag capes! That’s a story that I’m sure NYT Readers want to read.
you’re in p-town, aren’t ya?
skeeter lives up the road from me!
So I take it they’re not interested in my coverage of the Confederate Dogfighting Challenge or The World Series Of Cockfighting? What about Full-Contact Dominoes?
that’s so funny it hurts. New York oughta watch out now, all us rednecks gonna take them jobs
[...] newscoma shares his application. Seems I might have some competition: My name is Skeeter Bob Alice Hatfield. I am interested in [...]
So no stories about cockfighting. I hate to shake y’all up like this, but the folks at the NYT are yankees and they ain’t talking about chickens!
Brilliant!
I hope this gets lots of traction.
Damn jews.
(that is sarcasm)
New shoes from the Wal-Mart! Yew must be one of them intellecktuals!
I love how they want “surefooted research skills” – that would be a first for the NYT….
Thanks for writing about this.
“the pay is modest” — Are you sure this isn’t a graphic design job?
This is why I f**king DETEST most yankees & also why you are one of my first reads of the day.
Oh, you failed to mention chittlins and fishing with car batt’ries…
Well, daaayum. Guess I’m gonna have to scrap all five of my ideas. Sheeyit, so close yet so far.
Well, of course they wouldn’t want those topics. Rick Bragg’s done done ‘em.
I’m guessing starting the job interview with “How’s y’momma’n'em?” would not go over well, then. Huh.
Bless they hearts.
(Still adoring you, ‘coma.)
P.S. — Skeeter Bob, I’d like to compliment you on your grammar. (And your granddaddy, too, for that matter.) Everybody that makes fun of us always uses double negatives, like “ain’t never,” and we don’t do those. In fact, we ain’t ever, that I know of.
See, you arrogant Noo Yawk sonsab**ches, we do too get educated down here.
:0D
If I read this right, I think it means the NYT has already done all the dog fight, cock fight, and Confederate flag stories it wants to do, and is ready to move on.
Who’d have thought?!?!?!!!
Dammit! You rednecks just made me snort coffee out my nose. Just remember, us New Yorkers ain’t ALL asshats!
I’m sorry, I don’t get the hostility. The Times is saying that they get plenty of idiots trying to sell them stories about cock-fighting, dog-fighting, and the Confederate flag, thanks very much, and they’re interested in real reporting about the real South and not in stereotypes, so please don’t bother them with more of the same. And this is an insult why?
…so the NYT isn’t interested in stereotypes – yet, they put in their job posting that they’re not interesting in Southern people who write about those things. So, basically they’re stereotyping Southerners as only having those things to talk about?
I don’t see hostility, I see irony.
so, the NYT is basically stereotyping southerners as only having those three things to talk about… I love the irony…
Personally, as a born and raised Southerner – with nary a Northerner in my bloodline – I don’t recall the last time I had a conversation that involved any of those three topics.
Well done! Be sure to send some snapshots of Central Park…
tell skeeter i have his toast ready. it is sitting right here beside my pitbull (who was rescued from a dog fighter), across the backyard from the guy with the confederate flag in his window, and a couple blocks over from the lady with the chickens and the mean rooster that scares the crap out of my pitbull.
i’m thinking the NYT is looking for scarlett o’hara. after the above description, i don’t think i qualify.
As I read it, the NYT is saying that they want real reporting, not “look at those dumb hillbillies” stuff. They are pointing out that they are pretty sick of people pitching them stories about Redneckia and would like to hear about the real South instead. (I promise you that if they are taking the trouble to rule out three specific topics it’s because they get pitches on those three topics all the time, not because they pulled them out of a hat. Possibly that’s because the people who pitch them assume that a northern paper wants stories that stereotype white southerners, possibly it’s because they are hearing from people who want to write colorful stories and not do the rather difficult work of actually, you know, reporting.) And you are all attacking them for it.
I love you all, but that’s how I read it as well.
nm, satire. And the whole thing deserve it/
I can’t decide which makes me giggle more – “meth season” or “eating three squares.”
Bravo!
Dang.
They only pay $25-$30,000?
That’s what I thought too, So. Beale.
Don’t fret about it you native southerners. The rest of the normal world hates the NYT too. BTW I’m a Californian that resides in Knoxville TN.
Hell, I’m a Canuck, and *I* hate the New York Times.
Of course they only pay 30k SoBe. Have you seen what their stock is worth(less) lately? Or how bad their credit rating is? They can’t afford to pay a real wage.
I read this the same way nm did, but Patrick Carroll is much funnier.
OTOH, maybe NYT is just acknowledging that the Knoxville News-Sentinel has cornered the market on cock-fighting stories.
From what I hear, the Times is not in a hurry to pay stringers and freelancers, so this may actually be an improvement.
My favorite take on the Times is a subplot in “The Paper”. Love that movie.
if they bin gitin lots of “stories” about suthern red neck stuff in the past, and they want to screen them out, they are admitting that their readership is STUPID, as their readership is mostly “liberal” and thusly the liberals that submited to dem in the past stereo typed the southerners as ignorant hillbillies. Typical leftist thinking and non-thinking at the same time. How stupid are they at the NYT??