What Is An American?
All this Pro-America talk of the last week has made me step back and try to figure out what a real American is. I think I’m failing the test. Here are some of the reasons why:
- I read books. I know that I’m not supposed to read books, but I do. I also read nonsensical books. I’m rereading If Chins Could Kill by Bruce Campbell. There must be something Un American about reading about zombie movies from the 80s.
- I like sushi. I don’t get sushi as often as I would like but it’s not a traditional American food. This, of course, makes me a communist.
- I don’t watch Fox News. I’m sure I’m on the Terrorist Watch list for the faux pas. Actually, Fox News makes me itch. This could indeed make me a Marxist.
- I have indeed in private settings (Twitter) tried to start a movement based on Joe the Moose Whisperer. It hasn’t taken off though as I’m not a trendsetter. This makes me a hippie.
- I like science. I think science is the key to moving forward. This of course will most likely put me in Guantanamo Bay.
- I think Bill O’Reilly is insane. He is paid a great deal of money to be insane on television. I’m now on the O’Reilly hit list.
- I get along with Republicans and Libertarians quite well. I see them as people and not the evil enemy. This, of course, means I will be brought up on crimes of treason.
- I like import beer. I like beer in general. I drink too much beer. I am Coma Six Pack.
- I am not a plumber and my plumbing skills are non-existent.
- I’ve never spent $150,000 on clothes.
- I do not own a gun. It doesn’t bother me in the least if you have one because I know people that eat what they kill. If they didn’t hunt, they wouldn’t be eating. I also do not own a tasar. I do, however, have some old pork rinds lying on the floor of my car that I will toss at people trying to harm me. I do believe they will do damage. I guess this makes me a potential victim.
- I do not scream shrilly over politics with people who disagree with me. I buy them a beer. I am probably being eyed suspiciously.
So what does it mean to be an American? Beats me. When I think of being an American, I always think of my grandfather, who was on tap to play for the Tennessee Volunteers in 1940 and joined the Marines instead to fight in the Pacific. I think of that lady at the convenience store I stop everyday who is always so nice to me. I think of Homer sitting night after night at the softball field or the basketball court watching her daughters enjoy their childhood. I think of editorbates daughter who is always smiling and cries when her mother leaves her at the daycare she’s in because she loves her. I think of killa, who is working herself to death to get her Master Degree.
I don’t think Americans can be defined. We are who we are.
So why should we accept labels?
Excellent. I love this.
[...] » What Is An American?Posted 26 minutes [...]
so, what you are saying, is that you are a communist, marxist, terrorist, hippie, on watch and hit lists, that doesn’t plan on shooting anyone today.
no wonder i love ya!
you always have awesome insight, but i REALLY love this one!!
I’m with you on most of this stuff, especially the sushi.
Also I don’t watch football. I think I don’t even qualify as a Tennessean. I do however listen loyally to sports call in shows where people talk about nothing but football.
i like this discussion too. this fake american hoo-ha chaps my hide.
since i was a small and ornery child, i have treasured this ideal that in this country, a person does not have to be one type or one thing to rate as a patriot or a human. all of my reading of the history of the government’s foundation was to escape from labels and requirements. and it still took us much more time to recognize the freedoms applied to more than white male property owners. didn’t nail that down until recently.
and for what it’s worth, joe ain’t a six pack or a plumber. joe is all about goooooooooooood coffee.
I’ve got a taser and you’re welcome to come over and use it anytime you want. But remember you’ve got to eat whatever you tase or at least clean up the bodily fluids afterward.
I’ll put fresh batteries in for you.
[...] Some thoughts from one of the most irrelevant, least important voters in this election, an un-American, and a failed American. [...]
I think it all comes down to the question of whether or not you wear a flag pin.
P.S. “Coma Six Pack,” I love you!
I don’t mean to blogwhore but I wrote about something similar to this when I helped a friend study for her citizenship test last year. There’s a new citizenship test now, but the old one was so deeply rooted in cultural America, the mythology we’re raised on as Americans — who is Betsy Ross, who wrote the Star Spangled Banner, what does “One if by land, two if by sea” mean.
That kind of stuff is the American narrative that binds us all together, but how important is it? Is it more important than practical knowledge, like who the Speaker of the House is and what does that person do? How our laws are made? What it means to be a citizen?
I think a lot of so-called “real Americans” are very bound up in the mythology of America but don’t know jack about the practical stuff. They’ll utter absurd things like “the vice president is in charge of the Senate and can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes,” which of course is nothing close to what the vice president does.
Doesn’t the vice president get to fill buckets with something or other?
Everything that you said makes you an American. That’s the beauty of this great nation is that we can be completely different, yet be a part of the same process that makes us all unique.
The definition of American is the ability to express our thoughts and if there is a disagreement, we can agree to disagree.
Those who do not allow people these first amendment freedoms, in my opinion, are un-American.
Good post, newscoma.
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