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This weekend, I’ve been prepping for Tuesday’s General Election. I’ve been getting some sleep, writing about something or another that’s not political, and taking vitamins (if you call beer vitamins. It is liquid bread, so there.)

I’ve already early voted so on Tuesday, there are a few things I’m going to have to pack up in my knapsack for survival purposes and a few rules you might want to follow. I report on these things so you don’t have to. I’m decent that way.

• A four-pack of Monster. The green kind, of course, to make sure I can go from one poll to the next one.
• Three packs of cigarettes. Not only for myself, but to give voters who need a quick smoke break after getting that ecstatic voters’ high. Nothing like a quick smoke when one feels all passionate and American.
• My cellphone and my laptop because I have no doubt where ever I end up, people will want to know results first. Of course, they will turn to the Internet.
• Remember, no campaign buttons, shirts, backpacks, signs, Dogs painted red, white and blue in voting precincts. This is important to remember as you don’t want precinct bouncers to toss you out, thus losing your right to vote.
• A stick. One never knows if you will need it.
• Turn off Twitter if you don’t want to hear about the election. I suggest this as it will be overflowing with either cheers or jeers, depending on whom your candidate may be.
• Whiskey. I don’t drink whiskey as it makes me vomit but it is good to be prepared for voters who aren’t too happy with the results, no matter what side of the political aisle may be.
• Suggestion: Do not yell ANARCHY at the voting booth. It upsets people.
• Suggestion: Do not yell TERRORIST at the voting booth. It upsets people.
• Showing up drunk to vote is never a good idea. Get drunk later every time you hear John King say “battleground state.” You’ll be plastered within about 20 minutes, I assure you.
• If someone cancels your vote out, just smile pleasantly and move on. If they get testy, find the stick.
• Bring food. No one knows what the lines are going to be like.

These are just a few helpful hints from me. I could be wrong. I could be right.

I just know I have a busy week ahead of us, but on the upside. This damned election is almost over.

Thank goodness.

UPDATE: Joe Lance also has a list of survival skills that adds necessities like food, books and other vital needs. In Hoots, the lines won’t be too bad but in metropolitan areas, you might be in for a long wait.