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Things you should know:

• Homer will not let me put this picture on my blog. As the new dog, Pinkey, brought in a dead snake upon her arrival to Chez Coma her first week here and Homer locked herself in her minivan, you know that this scared the pants off of here. Snakes the size of a plane. (Make obligatory Snakes on a Plane comment below.)
• Dirk Diggler has accepted the honor of becoming my personal chef for the whopping sum of two six-packs of Busch beer a week. Now all I have to do is get me a life coach. My lawyer is on retainer for $10 bucks a year. I’m nothing if not frugal. Yes, I need a new photo of Dirk. No, he won’t let me take one.
• Although I have no cabana, I would love to employ a cabana boy. My Craig’s List ad would read “Must be mute, worship my mere existence, love to give massages, fetches beer for me when requested and leave me alone when the remote is in my hand.” Yes, I’m not only an 18-year-old dude but a commitment-phobe comfortable with silence.
• I’m quite smitten with this photo at No Silence Here. It’s very Calvin and Hobbes.

And now for your daily moment of Zen:

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