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“You take my life when you do take the means whereby I live.”

William Shakespeare

This is where we get into the emotional part of being unemployed.

If this is going to be too much for you, here is a photo of a puppy named Foster who used to live here. However, let me say, there are huge valleys that accompany unemployment on a feelings level and instead of pretending it doesn’t exist, let’s take a look at it instead.

Rejection is a mighty hard beast to fight.

When you initially lose your job, people are actually quite wonderful and tell you that you’re gonna be okay. However, when you are in the middle of it, it’s hard not to feel like water is running into your lungs and that you’ll never breathe again. The kind thoughts of others are absolutely great, but at the end of the day there can be an overwhelming sense of desperate loneliness.

People do mean well, but if they aren’t living it, they aren’t going to get it. It’s that simple. And I send you to Ginger who gives a wonderful list of things that folks say that are meant with the utmost of love, yet can trigger those of us who are bit older and never been faced with this dilemma before. As she says, it’s not like we asked for this roadblock.

It’s just part of it. I did a bit of research on the emotional warfare that goes on within our very inner beings regarding unemployment. I realized that our friends, family and loved ones can see that we are in a temporary life cycle that will pass. But, seriously, don’t feel bad about feeling bad either.

Stuffing all those overwhelming feelings deep inside of you can create a great deal of stress.

I realized after having been out on the pavement this summer that I have always identified myself with the job that I had. As I have a somewhat niche chosen profession, there were times that I just didn’t know who I was anymore. Now, six months ago, I would have told you that the theory was bunk. Alas, it’s true. There is an overwhelming feeling that somehow part of my identity was stripped out of my body.

Who am I now? What do I want to do next? Does anyone want me? In some ways, it’s like going through a divorce or the loss of a loved one. I think we all go through stages of grief and loss when we find ourselves unemployed.

No one is playing the victim here. Emotions are very important to any aspect of our lives because it is the essence of who we are. Losing a job is loss but, for the most part, people don’t want to know about the touchy-feely parts of our lives. Let’s be honest, there are good people out there but when they hit their end of the day, the biggest thought on their minds is what’s going on in their own  homes and what they are going to have for supper that evening.

That’s NOT rejection, it’s just reality. We are human beings.

It’s hard though, doing the Mary Sunshine act all the time, and the best advice I can give you is not to deny yourself when it starts hurting YOU. It’s best to take a vacation than live in a pretend world where rainbows and unicorns are expected. I’ve been more fortunate than most.  There are days though that I wish to stay at home and hermit out. I think some of us just sit down and cry sometimes which is actually quite cathartic. Little things that once would have been no big issue turn into Greek tragedies. Last week, I had a virus. I had backed everything up on a Passport external hard drive EXCEPT my resume. This weekend, I’m having to totally recreate the damned thing again. For some, this would have been a small blip in the road.

For me, you would have thought the house had caught on fire and Satan was sitting in the living room eating tacos.

Although I can only share my own experiences, I find that remaining social is important. I meet friends, I try not to talk to much about what’s going on and when I specifically do need a shoulder to lean on, I am upfront about it.

Tennessee isn’t any different than any other place when going through the very real consequences of losing one’s job.

There are only a few things I can suggest (and some of them come from me making mistakes regarding my own experiences.)

1. Don’t slack on taking care of yourself.
2. If you are in emotional upheaval, don’t go looking for a fight.
3. If you need a shoulder to cry on, pick and choose wisely. You know who your real friends are and if they are your friends, they will take care of you when you are down.
4. Don’t burn bridges just because things aren’t going your way.
5. Don’t embrace your depression over your lack of job because it’s easy to do that. It’s sometimes hard to realize that you’re depressed, but when it hits you, do something you’ve never done before. Go walk in the park, go have a beer with your friends, volunteer with a local organization that helps others. (I will have a whole post on that later.) Get outside yourself. Karma is pretty cool and small things can be given back to you that will help with the negative emotions that you are feeling.
6. Go out and see what lurks beneath. You may wonder what I’m saying but this summer I have had a great deal of joy talking to people that I’ve know forever and finding the story within the story. As a writer, this has saved my sanity.
7. Seek joy.
8. Yes, our self-esteem is battered. Realize that that is a symptom, not the problem. Don’t get me wrong, the problem is VERY real, but on the other hand, nothing is thrown at us that we can’t handle.  I was told recently the secret in finding my footing was within myself. No one is going to love/need us for their business if we don’t love ourselves.
9. Obstacles can be mourned, but they don’t need to be roadblocks.
10. If it gets too bad, go talk to someone. If you don’t have the money due to the elimination of healthcare, try this. And also take a look at symptoms you might not recognize that could be big signs that you are in a depression. Have you ever heard of situational depression? This could be the case. As this article says, “sometimes life sucks and it gets you down.”

Now, I realize that some of that might be a bit trite. It can’t hurt either. Just be yourself and, you guys may have to remind me of this later on, realize this is just a temporary bump in the road.

Emotions are more than all right. And it’s best to wade through them before they get higher than our heads in dealing with unemployment. Yes, we have some very real battles, but on the other hand, so did the people that came before us.

Our next post will deal with maintaining your online image, the hazards of seeking employment online and resources that are positive and helpful.