Mr. Jimmy, The Rolling Stones And Hoots
As I am apparently a geezer, I woke up this morning with my back bothering me. This could be due to falling over one of the pets trying to go to the bathroom last night who conveniently decided they need to walk in the same path that I did in the dark.
GeezoidComa. A life of glamor here at Chez Coma where apparently I have become 86-years-old. I just hope during my aging process that I become someone as cool as Mr. Jimmy.
I finally saw Mr. Jimmy last night who was schooling me on a list of things. I was right, the weather had gotten him a bit down so I was pleased to see him because apparently there were things that I needed reminding about.
First of all, Mr. Jimmy spoke to me about the new world of human resources.
“If you want a damn job, you take what you can and then you work up from the damned thing. Human resources, my ass, that’s just a made up word that’ll be gone in about 10 years. It’s called a JOB. It’s ain’t called no damned vacation. And those bosses need to take care of who works for them and who doesn’t. If they don’t work, then you get rid of ‘em. If they do work, you make sure you keep ‘em and you make it worth their while. Bosses just went and got lazy. Human resources? Feh!”
Mr. Jimmy may be the only person I know that says “Feh.”
Then we moved on to dogs.
“They’ve bred dogs into being ignorant and stupid. (No one can say Stupid quite like Mr. Jimmy as it just rolls for what seems like an eternity off his tongue.) Dogs need to run. They need to be outside. They need to herd or hunt. If you want a good dog, get a coon hound. Don’t get one of those little dogs that’s brains were bred out of ‘em. They liked damned pieces of bad furniture, those little yappy bastards.”
And then we headed into Masterpiece Theater.
“You ever seen Masterpiece Theater? There’s too many damned channels right now and that’s the only show worth watching. I like Morse. He’s smart. Everyone right now is watching Oprah and it’s made ‘em crazy.”
I texted my friend, The Businator, telling him that Mr. Jimmy was on an exquisite, cuss-induced rant of pure perfection. He sent me back the lyrics to the Stones song “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.”
I went down to the Chelsea drugstore
To get your prescription filled
I was standing in line with Mr. Jimmy
And man, did he look pretty ill
We decided that we would have a soda
My favorite flavor, cherry red
I sung my song to Mr. Jimmy
Yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was “dead”
I think Mr. Jimmy would kill me if he knew I referenced this song. My Mr. Jimmy likes New Orleans jazz, but I digress.
Personally, I think that America’s Next Great Pundit should just hire Mr. Jimmy. There would be FCC fines to pay but it would be sweet.
Dang, Hoots is a blast sometimes.
Mr. Jimmy is awesome. That is, by far, the best rant yet.
Mr Jimmy should have a Twitter account – or better yet, you could start a “stuffmrjimmysays” – of course, reducing the wisdom down to 140 characters (or less) could pose quite the challenge.