The Story Of The Beavers
As I have told you before, Squirrel Queen hates teaching me about nature. I know very little about the outdoorsy life and yet she thwarts my every attempt to learn more.
An average conversation usually begins with me asking what particular animal is lying “asleep” on the side of the road.
Me: What animal is that?
SQ: It’s a dinosaur.
Me: No, really what is it?
SQ: I’m sorry. It’s a penguin.
As you can see, there are issues.
SQ grew up on a farm. My grandfather had a couple of farms, but we never really went out there. I liked to name his cows back in the day after every character on Gilligan’s Island. He had black cows but if you ask me what kind of cows they were, I would come up blank. I know they were just cows although he did have one ginger-colored cow that Homer, the sister, and I named imaginatively Ginger.
He also had chickens, which to this day freak me out. Not as bad as my irrational fear of catfish, but they tended to peck at you. Why did they peck at us? I do not know except that they did and they became my mortal enemy.
There is a beaver dam behind SQ’s mom’s house and I have demanded to go see it for upwards of 13 years now. She refuses to take me. I have never seen a dam before nor have I ever seen a beaver except for those rare occasions that they are “asleep” on the side of the road, which doesn’t count. Of course, the first time I saw an authentic, bonafide capybara at the Memphis Zoo, I sort of freaked out. I like capybaras but I did feel like I was in some sort of alternate universe the first time I saw one of those bad boys wandering around. I don’t think I would freak out if I saw a beaver unless it was holding a catfish.
Then there would be trouble.
There is no moral to the story here other than SQ refuses to share her animal knowledge with me.
Be careful around beavers, ‘Coma. Here’s a video clip of a beaver urinating on a TV show host’s face:
http://is.gd/4TxAE
Don’t get too close!
If it weren’t already, I knew this would veer off into the prurient when I saw the title. I’m having a Vonnegut flashback moment about beavers. I’ve seen them. They’re fascinating and beautiful.
“Who can look at a penguin and remain angry?”
(Unless it’s asleep by the side of the road, that is.)
WhitesCreek, you know me, so you shouldn’t be a bit surprised that I steered the conversation into the ditch.
Am laughing so hard at your “what animal is that?” exchange that I have embarassed myself. I’m sorry.
Oh, I like beavers. They seem wise. Plus, when they’ve had enough of you, they give you the tail and leave. Good advice for all of us, I say.
I still don’t understand the horror of capys, though. They’re so peaceful. Is it just their unexpected size? If that’s it, I could grok the dismay, because seeing eye-to-eye with something that’s usually at ankle level could freak you out. (Proof: My sister would shriek & flee the room in the early 90s whenever the trailers for Stephen King’s “Sleepwalkers” would air. She claimed they included a shot of a six-foot-tall cat sitting on a porch in a rocking chair. Upright. Apparently she was the only one in the world frightened by that movie, though. Ugh.)
Ahh, Grandefille, I love the capys. Just the first time I saw one I had to go whoa!
I do want to see a beaver dam. I may just have to go to East Tennessee to see one EXCEPT SQ’s family has a small river behind their farm and the beavers live there. Have I seen one?
NO.
OMG I think I just peed in my pants laughing so hard thru this whole thing.
SQ, you meanie
Lets have fun with the beaver,yum yum
FRIED BEAVER RECIPE
1 small beaver (20 lbs.), cleaned and skinned, cut into serving pieces, strips or cubes
6 slices bacon
1 tsp. seasoning salt
Remove fat from beaver and soak overnight in cold water. Drain. Cook in small amount of water until tender, then fry with bacon and seasoning salt. Variation: substitute hickory-smoked seasoning salt for plain seasoning salt.
DEEP FRIED BEAVER RECIPE
2-3 lbs 1 inch cubes beaver
6 eggs
2 cups flour
Salt, pepper, ginger, sage, poultry seasoning, etc.
Oil for frying
Milk
Mix eggs, flour and any combination of the spices above for a variety or about 1 tsp. salt and 1 tsp. pepper. Alternate beating and adding about 1 tbsp. of milk until the mix has thinned enough to jiggle when shaken. Continue to beat with a fork until the ingredients are thoroughly blended. Stir in the beaver cubes until all cubes are well coated.
Drop individual coated cubes in hot oil (at least 2 inches deep). Cubes will sink and then float as they start frying. Stir and turn until golden brown making sure no chunks remain stuck to the bottom of your fry pan.
Eat plain or dip in sweet and sour sauce, BBQ sauce, honey, honey-mustard sauce or your favorite steak sauce. Try different types of salad dressings.