It’s funny that I wrote about the Hoots book on Sunday to be hit in the head with a baseball bat filled with writer’s block for the past two days. Let me tell you, I’m all out of sorts fright now which probably goes back the entire year. Knowing I was going to get canned, the months of funemployment, the financial backlash from said funemployment (yada, yada, yada) has made my brain fry a bit. Being sick for three months hasn’t helped although I’ve tried to remain cheerful.

I could use a few days of this

I guess if I could play the guitar I would write a song somewhat like this. Sometimes these things hit you out of nowhere and the only thing a person can do is just look the elephant in the room in the face and admit it’s there. Grief is an odd thing and can hit you in various strange ways. And I do believe that this is what I’m going through. Grief for what was because, guys, sometimes you have to figure these things out which isn’t always easy even months later.

I admit it all hit me in the past week during Thanksgiving and as we head into a month of holiday revelry. Except, my dear readers, I’m not feeling very peppy and I need to process some things. I’ve always said I’m too lazy for an affair for my mid-life crisis, I’m too broke for a fancy sports car and I’m too insecure to go skydiving (and in my weird state of mind this week, I could guarantee you the damn shoot wouldn’t open.)

I own it, I’m still overwhelmed by 2009. Sometimes it’s just best to write these things out to get through them, I guess.

There is a lot I want to say right now before I throw myself into the Hoots essays book which I most likely will self-publish. Squirrel Queen is helping me out because she is truly one of the most wonderful people on this planet. She is a kind, patient woman as I’m usually a psychotic mess. She finds good in things during those times that I feel like that light at the end of the tunnel isn’t ever going to show up.

So I’m working on it. I do love Hoots even though I constantly look at moving, which is coming closer to being a reality unless something gives.

But there are good things and wonderful people that I know that continue to put up with me, knowing that I’ve been Mary Sunshining it for about a month. There are a lot of people who have had a bad year, who have lost their jobs and I realize I’ve been very fortunate not to stay unemployed for very long. This my friends, is of the good.

So I just navel-gazed here on Newscoma. I don’t feel good about it but I don’t feel bad about it either.

Life is what it is. And I already feel better just writing this out. Now I guess I need to get better making sure 2010 doesn’t suck like this year has.

So enough whining on me being a bit freaked out. Go here. It cheers me up and it will you too.