The Year End List Of Things I Don’t Care About
It’s the end of the 00s so here is my list of things that I genuinely don’t care about. I know you appreciate my candor and apathy in these things. **snark**
- Tiger Woods: I do not care. He was a philandering asshat and we get that but this story dominating the news makes me wonder if there are 10,000 monkeys on crack in charge of cable news networks.
- Jon and Kate: Do I even have to say another word about these two? Also see #1.
- Tacos: I really don’t like tacos. They knife my gums with their stabby shells and I do not care for them at all. I guess this one is less apathy and more pure blech.
- Advice columns: Not a fan unless I was writing the advice column in question. Then I would love them because that’s how I swing and am willing to instantly jump on a bandwagon. I would continually advise people not to eat tacos.
- Catfish: Do you read me? If this is your first time here at Chez Coma, I do not care for the whiskery fish and its evil, demonic ways.
- Pimentos: I do not care about pimentos. I often ponder if one can have pimento cheese sans pimentos. I can eat pimento cheese but am apathetic to the those little red dots of no flavor that are slimey.
- Lindsey/Miley/Brittney/The Olson Twins/Fill in the Blank: I could care less about these folks. They do not entertain me.
- Oatmeal: Do not get me started on how I do not care about oatmeal. To me, oatmeal tastes how I imagine wallpaper paste does. It is not that I hate oatmeal, it’s just that I don’t care about it unless oats are in cookies. Oatmeal cookies get a thumbs up.
- Winona Ryder/Celine Dion: I just don’t care. Let me rephrase this, I don’t really care about Ryder. Dion makes me want to throw myself into the road.
- French Fries: Apparently I met my threshold for french fries this year and I have gone from great affection for these potatoey little wonders to complete and total apathy. I also don’t care for ketchup/catsup.
I realize that the 00s has been a tough decade. As I catalog my end of the year/decade lists as everybody else in this great land is going to do, it just occurred to me that this is going to take a lot of beer.
1) “monkeys on crack” is probably the most accurate descriptive I’ve heard concerning those in question…..Of the descriptives that don’t include their mothers, of course.
2) Jon and Kate? Seems I either missed something or I’ve out-don’t cared you. I guess I should read Perez Hilton, but I tried that and it’s too difficult to not reach through the monitor and choke that upchuck of fluff to death.
3) I just finished tacos.
Soft shell.
4) I quit giving advice. No one listened and just look at the world we have to show for it. OK….one more time for posterity……
DENNIS KUCINICH FOR PRESIDENT!
Maybe this time someone will listen.
5) Catfish are indeed demonic….and they all look like Joe Lieberman.
6) I’m convinced Pimentos are a conspiracy to bore us to death.
7) They entertain me, but only when they’re naked.
9) Winona stole my picture of Dion.
10) Hey, that’s “Freedom Fries”. Remember?
Actually, I’m Irish so there’s not much I can say.
Ahhh, don’t ya just love to reflect?
Re tacos: My friend, you’re doing it wrong. Yes, those hard corn shells that stab one in the gums are painfully annoying. And what passes for “taco filling” is, in a lot of cases, not fit for canines.
Likewise, many “soft” tacos are wrapped with a tasteless white flour tortilla (that has its uses in other dishes, mind), and many are befouled with lettuce and other foodstuffs that do not belong.
But if you take a proper filling, like carne asada—or carnitas, or grilled white fish (say, mahi mahi)—and top it with authentic components like chopped onions & cilantro, and, most importantly, double wrap it with fresh soft corn tortillas; well, then you have a taco worth eating.
I helped start a summer-long quest to find the best tacos in Chattanooga, so I speak with a slight bit of authority here, if I do say so myself. And I do.
Great post, and no hard feelings if you remain apathetic toward tacos. I’m totally with you on most of the rest.
I’ll give tacos another shot. I remember your quest for the perfect taco this summer which I enjoyed immensely, Joe. I do like tomatilla sauce though.
Cap’n: Oatmeal also reminds me of jail and the realistic outcome to Goldilocks and the Three Bears which ends tragically like Timothy Treadwell’s true-life story.
Good point. Oatmeal may well be the root of all evil.
They even called it “porridge” to hide it’s sinister countenance.
Joe, my friend, I had tacos for breakfast. Surely that counts for something?
Ahem. The next time you come to your Memphis home, we will visit Taqueria de la Guadalupana for soft-shell tacos. They have everything a human could want, including tripe, tongue, and my favorite, GOAT tacos.
Yes, i am serious, and YES, they are sublime.
i’ll add some things i am sick of — republicans who don’t like Obama. we get it. he scares the bejebus out of you, for reasons you can’t really name but are utterly based in fear of anything not you. the whining is endless, conspiratorially laced and screeching with stupidity. you’d rather lie yer pants off than debate a single policy issue and prefer chaos to reason. chumps and chumpettes one and all. worse, the folks who think Sarah Palin is a genius. boy do i have a bridge to nowhere to sell you clucks.
most overused phrase of 2009: “man up” here’s the fact – a real man will punch you hard in the face if you say he needs to “man up”. go watch a tv reality show and leave the rest of us alone.
ahem. sorry. i’ll go rant on my page.
ps
as for tiger woods – a sports figure makes news for having lotsa sex partners?? if the ‘transgressions” are fewer in number than the number claimed by Wilt Chamberlain (20,000!) then it ain’t quite news yet.
Chamberlain must have been like a bunny.
or maybe he just lies like a rug, heh heh.
“GOAT tacos”
That’s worth a six hour drive. It’s gonna happen.
soft tacos all the time!!
the wifey has had fun calling tiger by his new name “cheetah”…
couldn’t resist. you can go on with not caring about him now. &:~)
Actually Tiger’s new full name is Lion Cheetah.
And I am seriously ambivalent about ketchup/Catsup too… I thought I was the only one.