On Turning 45

I will be 45 on Thursday. I have always celebrated a birthday week and this year really isn’t the exception other than, I must admit, that I’m a little wigged out about being five years out of 50. Just typing that makes me want to vomit a little bit.

When other people tell you that “IT COULD BE WORSE! HA, HA … YOU COULD BE DEAD!!!” I want to throw a goat at them. Yeah, I know I could be dead, dickweed, but I’m also getting older, my body is changing and the last year has not been a walk in the sun.

Ahem, I digress.

But then I think about things and realize that being crabby is just a reaction to the rational realization that I’m not getting any younger and I’ve been ready to get on with things for awhile.

So, here is a list of 45 things in honor of 45 years. There is no rhyme or reason to any of this, I assure you:

1. I got to see Stevie Ray Vaughn right before he died in a concert in Montreal that also included on the marquee The Police, Peter Tosh and The Talking Heads.
2. I got to visit Portland, OR and would move there if I had a job waiting on me. Without hesitation.
3. I have known love.
4. I have learned that it’s easier now not to let people take free room and board in my head, although it still happens sometimes.
5. I have seen kindness and learn to recognize it after seeing acts of unkindness. Only when I saw both sides did I realize that you have to look for the good and when you do, it is pretty incredible.
6. I have learned that crying isn’t a sign of weakness.
7. I understand now the saying that “Time Flies” because it absolutely does to the point that I’m starting to feel the wind in my hair things are moving so quickly.
8. I have learned that I cannot go into that good night gently, nor would I want to.
9. Even in this journey around the sun for the 45th time, I have realized that I am absolutely still not very good with silence from others although I sometimes must immerse myself in a world with little noise. It’s a conundrum.
10. I still have commitment issues with just about everything.
11. Laughing is EVERYTHING it’s cracked up to be.
12. I sometimes, however, lose my sense of humor. I usually find it behind the couch or caught up in the cushions.
13. I still miss my grandparents although they died 30 years ago.
14. I still love horror novels and movies.
15. I have learned that I’m not very comfortable with freelancing. Just not cut out for it.
16. I still get frightened by the unknown.
17. I used to know what my dream job was. I don’t know what that is now.
18. I still love Bigfoot, UFOs and Beer.
19. I think we have hit a time on this third rock from the sun that people are in love with being outraged.
20. I still think catfish are one ugly damned species of fish.
21. Sometimes I need to balance my life out by watching a romantic comedy followed by The Exorcist
22. I wish I’d gone into the Peace Corps.
23. I do miss getting dressed up in the mornings in adult clothes.
24. Hats give anyone who wears one character.
25. Sometimes I still feel like I am a 13-year-old and laugh at poop/penis/vagina jokes.
26. I do judge people who have no sense of humor.
27. Bass Beer is still my favorite beer.
28. Mabel still cuddles with me and it’s a daily chunk of awesome.
29. I hate missed opportunities and now that I’m getting older, recognizing what I missed either pisses me off or throws me into a funk.
30. I really should have taken up eating Cajun food much earlier than I did.
31. Your body really does change and shift about once every five years. My mother was absolutely right on this one.
32. I have learned that in the long run, there aren’t really any winners in politics. It’s just a series of ongoing battles.
33. Cave crickets are the scariest thing on the planet when you are staring one down.
34. I still like to be pleasantly surprised.
35. Change is going to happen whether you fight against it or not.
36. I had a drink with Cheech Marin once when I was 17. I remember and I’m sure he doesn’t.
37. No matter how old you get, your feelings are occasionally going to get hurt. It’s true.
38. I feel like there are times when the best thing to do is just get in the car and drive with no destination planned.
39. I love to hear old people cuss.
40. My most hated thing is to hear a person tell another person that they are stupid.
41. I have learned the difference between loneliness and being alone.
42. Shark Week still makes me giggle.
43. I feel like I’ve aged five years this past summer.
44. I still chew my fingernails. I have this down to a science.
45. This still makes me howl.

I’m sure I’ll be chewing on this birthday all week.