The Art Of Having A Conversation

The power of having a conversation, asking a question and actually listening to the answer is important. Talking to real people, listening to their responses, engaging in getting to know someone and realizing that there really aren’t strangers out there, just folks you haven’t met is crucial. I had to be reminded of this fundamental truth this week.

Four times this week I met someone new that altered me to a degree. I’ve always loved the art of a conversation and was given this gift that I honestly didn’t know I needed but realize that it was as deep within me as needed air and water.

There is Mike, a die-hard republican from Virginia yet lives here in Nashville now. We spoke for a couple of hours about the state of politics in this country right now. He’s not a Tea Party hardliner and definitely not a fan of Newt Gingrich. He talked about being an attorney, how his parents were democrats and that although he didn’t much care for Bill Clinton, he respected him. I told him the story about Ned McWherter bringing Al Gore and Clinton together which the former president told at Ned’s memorial service. He told me about his friendship that goes back many years with Jim DeMint.  Did we agree on thinks like policy? Not really but I left him thinking about we forget the people behind the politics are human beings. We had more in common that we both initially thought we did and that is important. No one is a political label, not Mike and not me.

His name is Brian and he is a therapist who deals with addictions. We spoke of God. I haven’t met anyone in a long time that made me want to go back to church like this guy did. He refuses to call his belief “religion” instead he talked about love.  ”Have you ever considered that Jesus’ biggest financial backer was a prostitute and that he loved her anyway? That he was a man that truly cared about other human beings to the point that he sacrificed his life. Even if you don’t believe in the Bible, you can believe in the message.” I thought about that a long time.  He told me these stories over a beer. He talked about how we are so busy in this current society trying to one-up other people with a quick quip to drown people out by using the Bible as a weapon, that he felt that people have lost their way. He said people are awfully busy being cynical these days but that has gone on for centuries. I found myself quite fascinated with him.

There is the young woman named Candace who recently underwent brain surgery. Her ice-green eyes that look if they were colored by the Mediterranean sea were expressive as she discussed that the tumor has a good shot at coming back. We talked about her lack of insurance while she works two jobs, her three children and her love of horses. She is fiery and I like that. We talked about politics and how she couldn’t take off any time from those two jobs after her stint in the hospital because she had kids to feed.  Or her friend, Jeremy, who recently fell in love with Mozart’s Requiem and how he took a long trip and listened to it over and over again. On how Eddie Vedder’s Rise makes him cry. Here’s this gorgeous young man admitting that he is a sap (his words) when it comes to music and women. On how Miles Davis will heal your soul when no one else can and our mutual love of music. As we talked about John Coltrane, he delicately put his hand near his heart and smiled. I think he and I will be fine friends in the coming weeks.

Sometimes this is a hard town. I think I might have forgotten that some of the reasons that I loved Hoots so much was that each person has a story and I knew that from Mr. Jimmy to Miss Sherri to Dirk Diggler who molded me in many ways as we discussed pretty much everything. It was not about being clever or being outraged or any of those things.  In the past two week, silly old me felt a bit punched in the feelings over some things that have happened up here and that no one just picked up the phone or sent an email asking me very basic questions. That messages were hijacked and my motives were questioned to the point that I realized that talking to a wall might have been more productive. I looked at Stephanie more than once and said “This town is just not where I think I should be.”

And then I went and talked to real people about real things which I needed more than I can ever express. Sometimes when you least expect it, people will show up that you don’t even know and help you heal when you feel like the chasm in your heart is too large and that there really isn’t any way to fix it.

So the lesson, for me at least, is that I’m going to quit trying so hard about making things happen and go back to what I know I’m good at.

And that is the art of having a conversation.