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Validation Without Complication

July 8, 2012 - Author: newscoma - Comments are closed

A pal of mine who really isn’t that into politics but kind of keeps one eye on it said the reason why she backed up from being a former political junkie was that the anger had gotten to the point that she felt the message was lost.

“I just had to make a decision,” she told me. “I can’t live my life being angry at this damned crap all the time. I just can’t. It was hurting me.”

I believe that she isn’t that much different than other folks quite frankly. Not everyone eats and breathes policy and the ever-changing tide where the message is lost in a fire-breathing lake filled with pretend dragons can be harrowing. She is paying attention, but she made an active choice not to swim in fire.

I don’t subscribe to that personally, but I respect her and I understand where she is coming from. We aren’t all the same.

People are remembered for the bold moves they make, not the safe routes they choose but not everyone is going to be that person who steps in front of a truck to make that bold move. It is just the way it is.

If there is one thing I believe is that there is good in so many places. The issue for my friend, and others, is they haven’t been validated for believing what they believe. They feel yelled at and the outrage is in fragmented pieces of white noise. It isn’t that they are uninterested, I believe that what we have done is not validate that their voices are important. Relationships are important but they are created over time, patience and actively listening to what others are saying, even if you don’t agree on certain issues.

And then, of course, no relationships or alliances will happen if you start throwing molotov cocktails at someone repeatedly. If you are kicked in the fruit long enough, it’s hard not to just lie down or double over.

They aren’t finding the good of what is out there. And when fighting for validation of their core belief system is constantly met with outrage, they might decide, as my friend did, that it’s kind of gotten too complicated and it hurts too much.

It’s more than okay to be angry. I am angry about many things happening in my country right now: the lack of civility, the threats to independence, the loss of factual communication and there is more. Yelling, however, only puts people like my pal further into themselves. And when everyone is shouting different things constantly, fissures appear.

The message drips away like a spilled ice cream cone.

Outrage does work but it doesn’t last that long because there is another outrage on the horizon. And if it is all outrage all the time, the noise is deafening. How can

I don’t know why this is on my mind today but it is.  I honestly don’t know what the answer is and even if there is a question. I do know one thing and that is validation is key. And if you don’t get positive response occasionally, then folks don’t want the complication of being dismissed nonstop.

 

Categories: Tennessee

Discussion (1 Comment)

  1. This, we call “victim blaming” and it’s a nasty nasty habit that this world has got into. Women are raped because someone rapes them. The blame lies squarely with the rapist; the person who should have acted differently is the rapist. I simply do not believe that any woman puts herself in a position where she could be raped, no woman would ask for it… Never, ever.