Things from this week:

• Anyone know where to find a fig tree that doesn’t look like a stick? I really am asking for a friend. The groovy Italian was wondering where he could find one that didn’t look pathetic. As I have never eaten a fig, I have no idea but he seems quite smitten with this idea. I thought I would ask Sara Clark or Aunt B.  They seem to know nature and Nashville better than I do. The west Nashville Italian would appreciate your kind help.
• I haven’t had a haircut in nearly a year. It is time to endure the bush hog and get all prettysauce.
• I am confused on why people care about the Twilight couple who broke up and are apparently back together. I don’t care. I just don’t.
• I have seen a lot of lizards this past week. I name all lizards Roger.
• I was working at what I call the office. (Spoiler alert-it’s a bar called The Alley where they have honestly given me a table we all call “The Office”) and a man asked to use my Mac for a few minutes. I politely declined. He wasn’t happy about it and started to act a bit pissy. I finally said “Would you ask for to borrow someones pants (I actually said underwear but my dad reads this) for ten minutes. You would not. I mean no disrespect but I’m not lending my sole source of income to a man holding a PBR that is acting this way.” This is not the first time that this has happened to me incidentally. I must have shamed me. He bought me a beer. And then apologized the next day. Apology accepted. I ain’t mad at you, but no.
• Why didn’t you people tell me there is a place in Chattanooga called Aretha Frankenstein’s? Joe Lance, I’m eyeballing you. I would like to see Brother Junipers in Memphis and Aretha Frankenstein’s have a dance off for Rachel Ray’s affections.
• When Taylor Swift gets older, what is she going to write about? I look forward to the day when she croons about menopause.
• I got up at 2:30 this morning. Can you tell?