I’m going to talk about how the holidays sort of mess with me, so if you aren’t interested in that here is a picture of some ferrets.
I’m not really that good at holidays. They make me a bit melancholy. I admit it. I tend to act like a jackhole this time of year (2012 is no exception) although I do admit I will watch some Christmas movies and get a bit weepy. I feel like I’m missing out on something, which of course, makes me an asshole for even typing that sentiment. Maybe it is because when I was a kid, Christmas lasted for a brief sweeping moment with my family and didn’t start on November 1.
By the time the actual holiday shows up in this day and age, I have holiday fatigue.
For me, it was Christmas Eve that stands in my memory which we would celebrate at my Nanny’s. The adults would drink tanked up Egg Nog and we’d eat finger foods that my mom and grandmom would work on for a couple of days. There was fudge and cake and sausage balls that would make a grown man cry they were so good. Each person would open a gift one at a time and everyone would admire it. My grandfather always got my grandma Chanel No. 5. He did every year. It was special for some reason. I remember one Christmas where there are pictures of my sister in shorts and socks. I don’t know why I always think of that, but I do.
Snapshots in my heart that make me cry for some reason. They say you can never go home again but the reality is home is inside of us. It flashes brightly and unexpectedly because that is what memories do, kicking us in the feelings when we least expect it.
I don’t know what it is about the holiday season that gets me a bit depressed but I find that I grieve this time of year. I don’t know why. Maybe it is the expectations or something, so this year I decided to look at things I was grateful for. I didn’t do this for any other reason that sometimes everyone needs a good soul cleansing. I think it is one reason, other than my job, I’ve taken a bit of a break from online shenanigans, which usually I enjoy more than most.
This post probably doesn’t make any sense and that’s okay. Emotions and feelings rarely make any sense in the least, but they are real.
Or as my mother used to say, the great things about feelings is wait about ten minutes and they’ll change.
So true, so very true.