I have been chided recently for not talking about my experiences in Nashville from some Hoots folks so you get what you pay for. Here we go campers although the ride is not that thrilling.
2012 was weird because I sort of started feeling left out of things due to the lack of wheels and still adjusting to some rather huge life decisions, some forced and others not. I do have wheels now, thank you to the stars above, but there was a strange feeling of isolation. I think some of this had to do with I’m getting older but a lot of it had to do with it was the year of getting stood up quite a bit and it sort of wiped my confidence about with a butcher knife covered in butter. Even for an older saucy broad like myself, it sort of stung sometimes and I very much felt like I was on the outside looking in. I find it odd that I’m even typing that because I really don’t think about it that much, but I guess it weighed on me more than I noticed because here it is.
It wasn’t terribly often, but these things tend to wound.
One of the good things that happened is that I made several new friends that just liked me for me. These folks aren’t in politics, don’t really give a shit about what I used to do/what I do now and have given me so much joy and delightful conversation over the past few months that I didn’t know I needed.
Apparently I needed it desperately. I’m a social person and I need people. I’ve know this for a long time.
They went through the nightmare of looking for a car and let me collect myself the one time I went to buy one that I had waited on for a month. At the last second, with me having an enormous amount of cash on my being, old dude decided the car was “too much for me.” I went seeking my friends and they let me remain quiet and still as I felt like that third grader who wasn’t allowed to ride the neighbors go-kart because “Girls don’t ride go-karts.” It was the same exact feeling 40 years later and I never want to feel that way again. It, as some of the folks on Twitter say, punched me in the feelings so hard that I lost my balance. I don’t think I’ve felt that alone in a long time.
I needed those exact people during these recent moments of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still coveting several life improvements for myself like a frightened ghost covets the breath and heartbeats of the living at night when the world is still. I hope things work out where I can bring the confidence level up because that is taking some time. I need to quit worrying so much about my future although I do more than I like to admit.
And I now have wheels: a charming yet older dashing Toyota I have named Akira Kurosawa, greatest director EVER. There are hunting bumper stickers on the back that are driving me batty, but my friend, the Italian, told me Monday how to get them off once the weather dries up. (Goo-B-Gone or something like that.)
I think we think too much about winning and losing sometimes in our personal and professional lives. I have learned that sometimes it’s best to focus on the journey, or at least that’s what I’ve learned throughout the years. 2012 was a reminder that I need to keep that in mind.