Newscoma

I didn’t have Internet access for a couple of days, so I picked up a book at the local market just to idle through a bit in my free time.

I read it in a day. Didn’t expect that, campers.

The cover said “The best horror novel of the new century – Stephen King.” I thought I’d give it a whirl. I mean, if Stephen King liked it, it might be worthy.

“The Ruins”, by Scott Smith (the same guy that wrote “A Simple Plan”) is one of those novels I’ll be thinking about for a long time.

Although the novels are completely different, it reminded me a bit of “The Body Snatchers” by Jack Finney. Claustrophobic with a wry, gallows sense of humor, the book was unusual in the fact that they main characters, except for The German, were all extremely shallow and unlikeable.

But, you knew them. You understood the prissy girl, the slut, the control freak and the teacher/jock, they are people in our day to day lives. And it’s written in a style that hinges itself on psychological tension stretched so taut that you find yourself with a fine, almost drowning sense of the wiggums.

And that’s why “The Ruins” works so well. We don’t like the main characters, but, by God, we know them.

Spoilers for all those who go there…

(more…)

I love Carl Kolchak.

Yeah, I know he’s not real.

But, you know, just saying. He could do a lot in this day and age.

Because he would have done some dirty work on this.

You guys at Weekly World News, you are so missing out on my coolness. I think I should be given some fancy title, like Goddess.

Richard Matheson, tell them. Or not. Because that looks all stalkery on my part.

Loved I Am Legend.

Okay. I’ll stop.

Heh.

I have shamelessly joined Tits McGee in our never-ending love for Stephen Colbert, whose Tek Jansen comic book series is out. ToDay, campers.

Oh, Tits. May we share him as our adoration runs high.

Entertainment Weekly has an interview and a sneak peak at this loveliness:

Tek Jansen, in case you’re not a member of the Colbert Nation, is the hero of the sci-fi novel ”Stephen Colbert” claims to have written, Stephen Colbert’s Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure. The real Colbert’s credit on the comic is ”Galactic Overlord,” which translates roughly to co-creator.

Gives me a happy.

Five things that I don’t have the brain synapses to ponder over this evening so I’m taking a cue from Tits:

• Aqua Teen Hunger Force is wonderful.
• I really adore the people I work with. Especially the groovy ones. Even when their brains are fried due to the overwhelming traffic that goes through Chez Coma. Even when the traffic is, dare I say, odd.
•  Oh well, I’m not surprised.
• Talking Trees. I think it’s Bigfoot, but, you know, that’s how I swing. Actually, when you watch this, it’s sort of creepy but cool, but … ummm … creepy.
• Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just can’t. No, stop.

Sometimes my brain bleeds from the overwhelming world of the innertubes.

According to a rating over at Kathy T’s blog, I wanted to see where I set in the rating process.

I couldn’t believe it. I rated this:

Their reasoning. It’s the word “sexy.” Here’s the link because the picture doesn’t work.

I got an “R” rating for using the word “sexy” 12 x, “hell” 3 x, “dead” twice and “dick” once. Umm, Dick Cheney you guys. Dick Cheney.

I’m sort of shocked yet oddly satisfied.

The word “sexy” is going to kill me “dead” and I have been slated a candidate for “hell“. I guess I’m a “dick.”

There, give me an “X”, I can take it.

Go find out your rating. And for Pete’s Sake don’t say the word “sexy.” And Squirrel Queen had a “G” rating.

Damn.

As those of you who read this blog know that I hate my cell phone, I like odd movies and television and I have dogs.

It disappoints me, the cell phone that is, but, alas, is needed in this day and age. I guess my war with my cellphone will never end.

But I hate it at times and being that I originally thought I bought it for my convenience, I have sadly been proven otherwise.  And it’s dead across the room for me but the charger is downstairs. Maybe I need a groovier phone.

So, you know, there’s that. Pretty minor in the scheme of things.

And I’m fighting off four dogs who want a pizza I ordered. They really like pizza and when it’s ordered there is usually a battle of wits between my dogs and myself.

They usually win in grand high fashion and then mock me in their canine ways.

But what is so groovy and lovely is I have done absolutely nothing today, had a wonderful meal last night (with the swimming crew whom I’m quite smitten with today) cooked by a guy that should be hired by any restaurant in the known world as one of the best Meat-On-A-Grill chefs I’ve ever eaten and I’m headed out of town next week. This, with the anticipation of Hex being on tonight and that I haven’t had to put on a bra today as I laid around in decadence has made me smile and feel pretty good with the world around me.

This is of the good.  And you know, I realize I don’t count my blessings like I should.

So today, I’m counting them.

And it being Bruce Campbell day and all, life is just a-okay.

As I am a huge fan of Bruce Campbell, for a variety of reasons but mainly because he’s just fun, I am watching a Bruce Campbell double shot on SciFi.

And, as I’m currently reading “Make Love The Bruce Campbell Way”, I have declared it Bruce Campbell day in the newscoma universe.

The Man With The Screaming Brain really sucked but it was Bruce so I’m staring at the television screen like a dog waiting for a Begging Strip and Alien Invasion isn’t much better. With this said, Alien Invasion is known as the highest rated film on the SciFi channel ever.

For some reasons that makes me chortle. And yes, that is Gabriella from Xena. Good B-movie fun.

And if you haven’t see Bubba Ho-tep, shame on you. Ozzie Davis as John F. Kennedy! Bruce Campbell as Elvis. What’s not to love about this? I saw it again for like the third time a couple of weeks ago and just swooned and you should see it. Why, you say. Because it was based on one of the greatest novellas ever written by the wonderful Joe Landsdale.

But this makes me happier than anything: BRUCE HAS A NEW TELEVISION SHOW!!!!!

Oh, I’m winded.

Now, it’s called Burn Notice. Oh, I so hope this doesn’t suck. It could, you know. And he’s not the star but I don’t care.

Dear Sam Raimi,

Put this man back to work. We need more Evil Dead kind of movies and less Spiderman. I realize this isn’t a good financial move but my pleasure is more important than, you know, anything else.

Your friend,

newscoma

And, yet again, more Bruce:

[youtube=[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yg6bZSM48vU]

Yup, this dog is pretty dog-gone ugly but his ugliness has won him acclaim. I introduce you to Elwood, the world’s ugliest dog.

Poor fellow.

Photo from AP 

As Cuppa knows just about everything, once again I am educated on things I did not know.

Warren Zevon was inspired by the monkey in the Elvis Room?

This I did not know.

He was talking about the lovely Tits who visited Memphis recently.

My wonder triplets. Man, I just love ‘em.

I had a quote of the day, but I have another one, and dang it all, I can’t even tell you where to go because it’s sort of a private thing but this is of the funny:

I got 3-day fish food blocks so the fish won’t die every Saturday. 

Oh goodness, how I love this line. More than fun because it’s so ambiguous. The fish should have been called News and Coma, and come to my house to live where dogs would probably had some puppy sushi, you know, for dogs, but they weren’t. I love stuff like this but, alas, I can’t kiss the writer on the mouth and say, bravo because he’s far away. (He did consider my other names I suggested, Karl and Scooter.) Hee.

The fish are called Manhattan and Gillary Clinton.

Aren’t you jealous I am privy to this?

Yup, you should be. It’s just darned funny.

And I am smitten.

Ahh to be young with the wind in my hair and to sleep and dream of innocence. I’ve been tagged so I will oblige Hollywood Ron who has asked me to participate in this meme.

I think I’m supposed to list six things I do before I hit the hay every night.

• I usually go to the bathroom. Umm, I think that’s a standard for most everyone.
• I really hate messy bedsheets but then again, I hate making the bed. Each and every night I go through a jumbled thought process as both of these issues collide. Most evenings, I end up straightening the bed sheets out. I am a failure at neatness.
• I look for Mabel the infamous and Duff, the smelly dog. They tend to go to bed with me at night. I sort of feel weird after years of this occurring if I don’t know where they are. The blind dog, Kirby, sleeps in my recliner at night. It is her way.
• I hate wearing pants or socks to bed. Hate it. I do not like being tangled up.
• I usually have to stick my leg out from under the sheets and comforter, as it works as some sort of thermometer for me for some weird reason.
• I used to like to go to sleep with classical music playing softly in the room. I really hate to sleep with the television on. I am too ADD to not watch it, but I took my CD player to work. I guess I need to bring it back because there is nothing like a little Mozart playing in the background as you are counting sheep.

So, I played nice. Didn’t give away all my secrets because, you know, there, ummm, secret, and I guess I’m supposed to tag people. I actually kind of dig getting tagged, but I know some people don’t. So I’ll tag some folks anyway. I’m going to go with Squirrel Queen, LeBlanc, Lindsey, Wyldebrat, Elizabeth and Freezertroll.

As I’ve been talking of the mid-life crisis which apparently, for me at least, won’t have me buying a snazzy red sports car and becoming sexually ambiguous/predatory (how about that for a cliche and stereotype) as I don’t have the money for the first and the stamina for the second. But I did do something this weekend (had some minor real-life work things to do) that helped and then I threw myself into a long, apathetic stare at the television.

I do that on occasion.

I watched “The Exorcist” on Saturday which still creeps me out over 30 years later, and, I don’t know if enjoyed is the word I would use, but I stared blindly at the television to watch a marathon of Celebrity Fit Club. Squirrel Queen loves reality television more than a dog enjoys cleaning themselves in front of company so there I was, staring at Cledus T. Judd slim down and get hair plugs.

And, quite honestly although I wasn’t familiar with Cledus, he looked pretty darned good.

I also want to add that it took a great deal of balls courage to be as transparent as he was on a reality television show. As for, and I mentioned this last night, Dustin Diamond, blech. There is nothing wrong with being, I don’t know, nice to others. I don’t know, it was like watching a train wreck for the most part and he’s just mean. But isn’t it weird that reality television (and, yes, I do watch Big Brother in a stupor most summers) is on about 24/7 now. The days of three channels are truly over, campers.

Back to “The Exorcist.”

When I was about eight years old, I begged my parents to take me to see “The Exorcist.” As a good little Presbyterian girl, I was always a bit wigged out about THE DEVIL. And I begged. And I pleaded. And I whined. What did The Devil look like? Was this movie really making people barf at the moviehouse? And the parental units denied me time and time again but I kept asking.

And they said No, but I’m a tenacious person and after about a year, they gave in.

Bad mistake.

I slept with my parents for about a month after I saw the movie (I was a kid, give me a break. I also spent the night in my parents room after seeing Psycho. Go ahead, sue me.) But watching it again over the weekend, I could really appreciate it and it hit me that in the early 70’s, movie makers were a bit more open-minded about adding politics and social commentary to movies in a way that didn’t have a big sign that screamed “HEY, THIS MOVIE HAS UNDERLYING SUB PLOTS THAT ARE COMMENTING ON RELIGION, POLITICS AND SEX.”

Now just stop it. Seriously.

I get it. But back then, and as I am a child of the 70’s, some movies really resonated with me. And “The Exorcist” was one of them.

And sometimes that’s what I think is going on with American films now. I miss the “All the President’s Men” “High Plains Drifter” and “Shampoo” mentality of that time frame and I think now that’s why I like foreign films a lot. I don’t need a two-by-four upside my cranium to tell me what is going on with a movie.

But “The Exorcist” was just damned creepy as a kid and did hit those buttons of my Protestant upbringing. And it always has just given me a case of the wiggums. Still sort of does.

I’ve never been a fan of slasher movies (We get it, everyone is going to be killed in a wild and bloody fashion and you will have a heroine in skimpy shorts and a partially torn T-shirt survive and it’s still up in the air is she will make it.)

So, as my weekend included celebrities getting all trim and Linda Blair’s head spinning quicker than a Tilt ‘O Whirl, I found myself somewhat at peace with the fact that as I am getting older. I’m also revisiting things that I can ponder now. Man, being a kid in the 70’s was some weird stuff. Richie “Opie” Cunningham, we were not. Sorry, but he was in the 50’s and a made up television character.

The sister, Homer, reminded me that we were also creeped out about the segment of the Trilogy of Terror called Amelia where the doll chases Karen Black around. I concur, that did rock our world.

***shiver***

And don’t even get me started on “Night of the Living Dead” because, I’m sorry, zombies just plum rule and that was a GREAT movie.

So off to another week of non-virtual reality. Hopefully I won’t be creeping around doorways at home and the office.

You know, just to make sure there aren’t in spookies spinning their heads or a big scary doll with big teeth and a knife waiting for me in a darkened bedroom.

You never know.