NewscomaGot A Two-Pack Habit And A Motel Tan

Feeling all Possumy today.

You may be wondering what this photo is all about. I will tell you. That handsome devil in the middle is my grandfather. This picture was sent to me this morning and I honestly can’t stop grinning. I’ve never seen it before.

My grandfather was just about the greatest guy ever. He loved Homer and I with wild abandon and we adored him.

He was a Marine during WWII and fought on the beaches of Saipan and then served in the National Guard as a medic for several years.

I’ve never seen a picture of him in his Guard uniform.

So, here is a navel gazing slice in the life of Newscoma. I miss him everyday. He’s been gone for 29 years.

UPDATE: This picture was taken between 1964 and 1966. The men with my grandfather are Dr. Wells, Milton Buchanon, David Oliver and Johnny Williamson. It was taken at Fort Stewart in Georgia. My granddad was named Wade Hutcherson. The men were medics and the camp was set up to look like a camp in Vietnam according to Mr. Williamson. Dr. Wells is the man who delivered me back in the day.

Let’s list it up:

Shh, she is asleep.

1. People pretty much don’t want to talk about it with you because they don’t know what to say. I understand that completely although it’s sometimes frustrating. I have sought out the company of strangers, bartender therapy (well not much as I’m broke as a cabbage), and Mabel, who looks at me with wariness.
2. People are mainly about the free. I have been asked to do more free things which goes into “help” or “while you are off, could you ***whatever the thing is*** while you aren’t doing anything. Umm, unemployed, people, this isn’t social time for me. I’m not having tea on the veranda. (It sort of makes me laugh though.) I don’t mind volunteering but there has to be a balance.
3. Emotions are pretty raw, so I have to keep it in balance. I will tell you some of the inner demons but not all of them. You would melt like the witch who messed with Dorothy.
4. Bartering still exists.
5. I cooked and although it wasn’t great, no one died. I feel that Homer and the family feel that ‘Coma going back to work and out of her beloved kitchen is a good idea indeed.
6. My resume is still paralyzing me.
7. Considered begging Sig Hansen for a job, until I realized that crabs have spider-like looks about them. I am phobic about spiders. And Sig scares the hell out of me. I’m partial to Johnathon, however.
8. The highlight of my day yesterday was buying toilet paper.
9. My phone has gone dead twice and I didn’t panic.
10. Have added Shark Week to my calendar. (I do this every year but it just seemed like I needed to mention it in regards to being at home and very, very, very bored.)

I’m still pretty light-hearted as one can be about this sort of thing and I’m trying very hard.

Psychotic will come later.

I dreamed last night that I won a consolation prize after being in a contest of a bat whom I named Freddy. I don’t really know what I was competing for but I was very excited about coming in second place. I also have been dreaming a lot about lying in hammocks with people I like. These aren’t intimate sort of dreams, but there more about me just lying with these folks talking about things that interest us.

Dreams are odd.

I also dreamed of a small grocery store that used to be in Hoots called the Leadway. The presentation of my prize of Freddy the Bat was held at this store which has been out of commission for several years.

My grandparents lived about six houses down from this store when I was a kid and we would constantly walk down there to bug the owners and buy Fun Dip. Aww, bag of sugar, how you made my childhood festive.

The Leadway was a dark, small store that was actually quite wonderful. The cash registers were old and made a clack sound that can only be compared to the sound of a zombie duck walking through the house on hard wood floors. It was that kind of sound.

Homer and I would mosey up to the store and hang out with the our Uncle Deanie, who was just about the nicest man you would ever meet. He really was our uncle, but it was about 29 times removed and he usually would play with us while we hit sugar buzzes of astronomical proportions. The store did do deliveries until he sold it to another family, which I always thought was neat. Our mom told us we could not make orders to the store for candy, but every once in awhile, she would give them a call to bring something to the house.

Sometimes, my grandmother would call the Leadway and tell them to charge Homer and I lunch which was always a treat. We thought this was extremely fancy, so we would go to the meat department where they made sandwiches and ask for bologna and cheese on white bread, buy a bag of BBQ corn chips and top it off with a chocolate milk.

Good times and eating for an 8-year-old.

Before my mother died, I asked the owner of the store to order coffee-flavored Breyers ice cream as it was the only thing she could taste that she liked while she was on chemo. They kept it in stock for the duration of her illness.

There are good people here in Hoots.

Alas, chain markets killed the small grocery stores in the area. The Leadway is now a video store.

I’ve been reminiscing a great deal lately about what has happened, what could have happened and where today stands. In all honesty, it’s a big waste of time doing this but shutting down the cranium is sometimes tricky business.

I’m used to being incredibly busy and I admit that I’m in somewhat of a conundrum about the immediate future. As my mother is not available for me to have a conversation with, I headed out to see Squirrely’s mom yesterday. I guess I just needed someone to talk to and she listened.

I hope I returned the favor.

As she talked about Mabel’s pal, and her long-time friend, passing away, we started talking about our ghosts. She talked of Squirrely’s father, who died three years ago and I talked about my mom, who died in 1998. I think every once in awhile, you have to revisit those people we no longer see and realize the impact they made in our lives. As time does heal and grief must be navigated through, there are still very deep feelings that run through us on our losses.

I told her that this past month, I wish my mother was still around because she was wise about things and I could use her input right now. She would know some answers to questions I have that have somewhat paralyzed me. When she didn’t know, she would help me set myself on a path. I feel a bit lost right now, not near a path or even a trail, and could use her help.

“You are kind of depressed right now, aren’t you?” Squirrely’s mom said. “That’s understandable. We all get down sometimes. Just don’t get too low.”

Of course, this is a very mom thing to say and I guess I needed to hear it.  SQ’s mom is one of my friends and I appreciated her kindness. In an email yesterday between friends, someone used the word “face time” about a friend who just recently lost her mother and is having a rough time of it. Something I completely understand. I was given some much needed “face time” because a person can only Mary Sunshine things so much without it becoming a burden too heavy to bear.

Face time with friends and family is important.

So, I guess I’m visiting my ghosts this week although it’s something I really don’t want to do. I realize I’m in one of those stages of grief everyone talks about regarding the recent downsizing.

As I sit here this morning, I silently wish my ghosts could talk.

And life goes on.

For those of you who don’t regularly show up here, I do these a lot.

Now, this week has been long. Actually, this past month has been an exercise in things I’ve never had to deal with before in such a whirlwind of personal weirdness. Downsizing, death in the family, borrowed computers and general freakedoutedness.

I go from feeling like everything is going to be more than all right to utter pits of  “OHMYGAWSHWHAT’SGOINGTOHAPPENNEXTPARANOIA.”

I guess that’s part of it. One doesn’t feel themselves during times like these.

Anyway, some thank yous are in order. I want to thank the Tennessee blogosphere for being wonderful on both sides of the aisle. I am very grateful.

I also want to thank Squirrel Queen and Badger, who are taking me to a baseball game this weekend to cheer me up and make sure I don’t tumble down the rabbithole.

I want to thank my friends who have gone out of their way to just love me regardless of what I do, take me to lunch or for a beer during this transition even though these days I’m an unemployed slacker. It’s good to have buddies. I also want to thank them for dealing with my general already mentioned freakoutedness and complete deer in the headlights look I’ve had for the past month.

The hardest part to admit to myself during this time is that I don’t want to be in newsprint. I also still don’t know what I want to do.

Suggestions welcome. I haven’t a clue. (I would love to own a bar but that’s not going to happen as I’m broke as a cabbage.)

Also, I wish to thank Mabel. You know, for loving me no matter what.

Now that some of the smoke has cleared and I’ve been around humans where I wasn’t feeling like my hair was on fire and that I needed to stop, drop and roll, I’m starting to get some perspective. Or maybe I am going through another phase of the seven degrees of grief.

I wrote a post that felt pretty good over at NewsTechZilla about my first baby steps in a world where I don’t have a job, a title and a place to go in the morning.

Aunt B. said yesterday that it is important that I grieve. I think that’s important. The Memphis Steves basically told me that everything was going to be alright as well. Those words are comforting and I guess I’m a bit needy to hear gentle sweet things that I can’t say to myself right now.

I’m still a little unsure about this new development but I do appreciate hearing such kindness. And, I find that I’m smiling easier and I don’t feel like an anvil keeps slamming into my stomach every 15 minutes. (That was sucky, I have to tell you. Now it’s only about once every two hours.)

I guess if you look at the seven stages of grief, I am hopeful I’m in Step 5 right now. You can read the others but I’ll  #5 which I feel is important. It’s called the Upward Turn and even though these are about the loss of a loved one, sometimes loss of an era is also significant.

A huge test for me this evening is that I will be meeting friends, especially one who I went to high school with who is visiting from California, and I’m a bit apprehensive about it. I don’t mind talking about the layoff with my buddies. These are my friends and they get me. The thing I’m worried about is other people coming up and talking to me about the layoff. I haven’t really had to deal with this before in Hoots and I’m a bit nervous. I realize that this is a preconceived obstacle I’ve created in my own mind, but it’s still something I’m a bit weird about.

These are the things that are still raw, you know.

However, the good part is that I’m trying to get organized, back up in the saddle and I know that this is a part of it.

You see, I realize I’m not the only one. I just write about it.

Things that I’m pretty good at:

1. Eating pickles.
2. Giving away puppies.
3. Wandering around the countryside.
4. Laughing
5. Creating bromances
6. Making sure that Mabel is always completely comfortable (She’s a bear when she’s not.)
7. Taking pictures of toys in bars and in unusual places
8. Listening (believe it or not.)
9. Hanging out with Mr. Bob, Mr. Jimmy and other Hootsvillians that I think are groovy.
10. Making tomato and vidalia onion with basil salad.

Things I’m not good at:

1. Eating jello (it makes me gag.)
2. Brain Surgery (haven’t gotten one right yet.)
3. Crab Fishing (as I’ve never fished.)
4. Telemarketing (I just don’t like it.Giving or receiving.)
5. Making fire.
6. Vacuuming or cleaning a toilet.
7. I’m not a good golddigger.
8. Wearing silver spandex (well, any spandex actually.)
9. Sewing homemade clothes
10. I cannot bake.

So, as I haven’t done a resume in more than 15 years, does this qualify?

Oh and I am a self-educated zombie expert. Just saying.

Heh.

I am writing this today because I have writer’s block. Or it could be I have too much to say and I’m afraid I will explode, leaving dripping bits of Newscoma all over the place and dangling off the walls.

On Monday, I am going to get me in the post-employment routine that I will need. I will be more aggressively blogging at NewsTechZilla as well as here. Just warning you. I will need to do that for my own sanity. As for this past week, I have been so immersed in the events that have happened that I’ve had a huge lack of focus.

People keep telling me I’m going to be ok. I met with my former boss from a few years back and he was very supportive. I needed, I guess, to hear that I was going to be all right from someone who thought I did moderately well for him. Folks keep saying to me that I will continue to do well, that this is just a speed bump, but I haven’t gotten to the point of feeling their confidence right now. I’m too raw and I feel a bit invisible. My former boss, the one from the job before this one, was most excellent. I didn’t realize that I needed to hear some of the things he said, but I did apparently.

I don’t know where to even start on this new journey. And, these feeling, well they will pass. I’ve been around the block a time or two, so I know that sometimes you just have to get through the rough patches, find your mojo and move like an alligator is chasing you.

Next week, I will talk to you about Bratfest and the Memphis Pub Crawl with my blogger buddies. I will tell you about meeting Ward Cammack at the tech school in Paris and I will write about how Squirrel Queen has dragged me out in public during times I did not want to see anyone. She, and Homer, have told me to blog despite the fact that I’ve stared warily at this computer that Michael has lent me.

I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up from this one. And, of course, I don’t know what to say right now. I’ve never filed for unemployment before. I guess it won’t be hard. I haven’t done a resume in a long time. Do I add my online work?

I guess I’m open for anything.

Image credit

If you are appalled and disturbed that I’m shilling some of my stuff over at NewsTechZilla, I can only kindly request that you go and look at this picture of an otter holding a Bud Lite.

Update: CeeElCee told me that i linked very badly.I adore him. I fixed it. Yay me.

1. I have taken Mucinex to the point that I’m coughing up my toes. I HAVE to start taking better care of yours truly because the medicine has made me teary, silly and feeling a bit useless. Coughing has made eating almost impossible.

2. Deadliest Catch didn’t really cheer me up today like I though that it would.

3. This isn’t convenient because coughing on people while there is all this pig-pox talk going on nonstop sort of makes people leery of me.

However, Mabel has a new tennis ball and has been entertaining me to no end. And I’m ready to get back to my routine, because despite what I say, I like my routine.

Whiny McWhinerson here.

Over and out.

Grossing out over eating raccoon at Jimmy Naifeh’s Coon Supper.

Well, I just do these things so you don’t have too.

Yep, Vibinc and I are in the Memphis Flyer

And coon is nasty.