NewscomaRural Media, Pop Culture, Politics And Bigfoot

Jane Q. Public alerted to me on Twitter that Bigfoot’s campaign for president is gaining momentum.
Mabel, who had an unsuccesful bid for the presidency, has made her endorsement for the elusive beast.
“I believe that America needs Bigfoot to lead this nation out of dark times,” Mabel said telepathically. “Nessie will make a fine running mate.”

Rumors have been persistent that Mabel will be offered the Secretary of Steak position. Mabel has agreed publicly that she will accept the appointment if it is offered.

I have had some wonderful well wishes today as I am now one year closer to AARP enrollment. Yay me! Thanks to all of you.

Frank Strovel sent me this and I have never laughed so hard.

It that ain’t awesome, I don’t know what is.

Once again, thanks guys. You are just wonderful.

Well, we haven’t seen Bigfoot since he was a gorilla costume in a freezer. So, let’s revisit.

- Tales of a giant, hairy, ape-like creature tramping through the woods are running wild in a northern interior B.C. town after a rash of sasquatch sightings.

There have been three reported sightings in the area within a month, said Brian Vike, the Houston, B.C.-based director of HBCC UFO Research.

“To be honest with you, I don’t know what to make of all this,” said Vike. “I know with UFOs we’re doing well in B.C., but I don’t know with the sasquatch. I’m just trying to figure it out.”

You know, Bigfoot is the greatest public relations guys ever in avoiding the media. Better than Howard Hughes with the Spruce Goose.

In Hoots. Amazing. Who knew?

I’m going to take a moment to talk about VP pick Sarah Palin.

There isn’t any doubt she is a pretty incredible woman (now that I know who she is) with five children, a meteoric rise apparently in Alaska politics and a hard-core conservative.

I’m going to repeat that several times. She is a conservative.

For my right-leaning buddies out there, I realize this is a slam dunk. I’m not a conservative as you know if you read this blog and I’m really not posting this to you guys but more to my brethren who say they will vote for a woman for the sake of that’s she’s female. McCain shrewdly released the information after the eve of an amazing, historic speech from Barack Obama. As a matter of strategy, no one can deny that this was masterful pr move.

It was an amazing display. I’m going to give the McCain camp that one.

On the other hand, why has this entire race become about girl parts?

I wasn’t a Hillary supporter but I respected the experience and the warrior-like strength of Clinton. She honestly set much of the tone for the DNC convention this year and was very much the statesman/woman about the direction of the party. My lack of support for her candidacy had nothing to do with the fact that she is a woman. It had to do with how divisive she has been in the America mainstream over the past 16 years.

But I respect the hell out of her.

With Palin in the mix, I have to say that the whole “experience” thing has been thrown out of the political spin. I’m guessing that McCain knew that when his camp made their choice.

She was the mayor just two years ago of a town that is the about the size of Hooterville Central. Let’s think about that. Let’s also look at what has happened. In Palin’s defense, I’m offended by the VPILF (or whatever it’s called ’cause I’m not linking it) which is so sexist it’s not funny. If anything were to happen to McCain, we would be dealing with a woman, who in her own way, is a game-changer or so the MSM reports but she is still very right wing and has little experience in foreign relations which is a big deal. I am ok about this that she did but that’s basically the only thing I see as she did not do it for gay rights but due to the unconstitutional fall out so let’s get that balanced out. There are also some scandals attached to her (but in all fairness, there is always a scandal attached) but there is one thing bothering me more than anything.

It’s about her being a woman and that being the home run out of the park. Not her experience or belief system but the fact that “Hey, look, it’s a girl.” That’s the selling point that McCain banked on but when did it become a gender race and not a presidential race about issues facing this nation? A weakening economy, a war, a global uncertainty about the United States intentions, the rights of individuals … are these not important things to be discussing?

I resent that a woman is, once again, being used as a gimmick. I don’t like that. Palin, however, knew what she was getting into so there’s that.

For my conservative friends, I know this is inspiring. For me, it’s just another objectification at this point of a female but I also know you dig her politics and that’s cool.

But for those left-leaning people who are just voting for McCain because he’s got a woman on the ticket, I can only say, look at her track record and tell me, is this what you want one heartbeat away from the White House?

Going to look at Bigfoot pictures to get the buzzing out of my head.

And I guess that is that:

One of the two samples of DNA said to prove the existence of the Bigfoot came from a human and the other was 96 percent from an opossum, said Curt Nelson, a scientist at the University of Minnesota who performed the analysis.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

Okay boys, go here and look at this while I talk with the women.

You gone? Don’t want to freak you out.

As you guys who have read me for awhile, the Ednaectomy is about to celebrate it’s second year. And although Daisy Fae is talking about her girl stuff, I get where she’s coming from.

As a woman in her mid-forties, ineligible for hormone therapy once menopause strikes*, i’m acutely aware of my aging ovaries.  They are my friends.  i try to take good care of them.  Although the eggs nestled within are dwindling in number, and are desiccating and shriveling on a daily basis, the hormones they send surging through my body represent the receding tide of my sexuality…

In other, far less poetic, words: i’m terrified of drying up like so much fem-dust.

Now for those of you who aren’t in your forties, you might not get the whole fem-dust thing, but there is this thang. That thang is that as we get older, there is some odd things going on that can only be compared to being 12 again but not having the stamina to do what I used to do.

The good stuff is my sense of humor is usually in tact. The bad stuff is I get tired, cranky and I have started picking up sticks out of the yard because I might just have to bop someone on the head.

But, you know, the good stuff outweighs the downtimes where you feel like some thing, some larger invisible entity, is throwing monkey poo at you.  The good does outweigh the bad.

It’s a shot in the dark sometimes, but the world isn’t bad. Oh yeah, I get frustrated. I know more than I did even 15 years ago but I’m still learning.

I’ve learned I bend but I do not break.

And being 40ish is pretty much fabulous.

It really is.

Well, I could use a million dollars.

Binocular manufacturer Bushnell, along with “Field & Stream” magazine, have teamed up to offer $1 million to anyone who can “provide an unaltered photograph/video, verified and substantiated by a panel of scientific experts [including a zoologist and biologist], the evidence required to prove a Sasquatch/Bigfoot/Yeti exists.”

The contest started a few days ago and ends Dec. 15, but before heading out to claim your million, note that the rules’ fine print states that they are not liable for any injury incurred during a Bigfoot attack. A good quality Bigfoot image would make history; most photos are of such consistently poor quality that within the Bigfoot research community there’s even a name for a typical blurry “Bigfoot” image: blobsquatch.

Blobsquatch? Heh.

I gotta get busy.

So, over the weekend I went out to Squirrel Queen’s mom’s farm. A couple of weeks ago when we were there, her mother mentioned The GoosePond Swamp Monster.

I looked up slyly over my glasses with more than a hint of irritation. How had I not heard about the GoosePond Monster? I’ve know these people for decades and I had never heard this story but everyone seemed sort of resigned that it was a story they had known all their lives and they didn’t put a lot of stock in it.

Umm, I’ve been begging for a life of searching Bigfoot for years and I am just told of our own monster? I’m going to have to get a stick after these people, I swear.

So they told me the tale about a real swampy part of Obion County where weird noises and there was a myth that there might have been a Big Bad living out in the bottoms. (If you are not familiar, wetlands in northwest Tennessee are called “the bottoms” for reasons I do not know other that they are low-lying and usually go beyond muddy. I prefer the word bog mainly because that’ the word they used to use in all the horror comics I got as a kid.)

Then there was the beaver dam incident that I was mightily interested in but that’s a story for another day.

After nearly 24 hours of me pestering SQ to take me out to the farm, she finally relented after I put on my shuffle and started singing songs LOUD in an Ethel Merman voice. She is tough though, it took two hours to get her broken down but I prevailed. If you’ve ever heard Ethel singing “Panic at the Disco” I think you would have given in as well. Yeah, I’m that good (or annoying depending on your point of view.)

Goose Pond is nothing more than just a pond. The top of the water is not as green and covered in algae as some country ponds I’ve seen but it was hard to tell. With recent rains, it was almost impossible to get to it. I didn’t see any geese but there were a bunch of ducks floating lazily on the top. It was initially a little bigger than I thought and I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much kudzu.

Apparently SQ’s grandmother, who passed a couple of years ago, was quoted in a story by a local historian about tales she had heard about The GoosePond Swamp Monster, but I’m going to have to go to the library to read up on what she said as there is nothing on the Internet about it. Close by is a huge Tyson chicken operation that always leaves a smell of major yuck so it’s hard to tell if we will be able to smell it. As you know, Bigfoot smells so there you go. Our training in covering mythical beings is limited but you always hear the the big guy stinks to high heaven.

Our first exploration was fact-finding. Alas, there were no facts.

Anyway, I’m on the case with a very reluctant Squirrel Queen.

The truth is out there.

I love this picture more than I can tell you.

From Ricko.

And I have two of these Bigfoots. Or is it Bigfeets?

One never knows.

I must come up with incredibly groovy things like Ricko.

You know when I see the headline that screams Gay Bigfoot, I’m going to go and look.

Legend says that the beast known as Popobawa has been menacing the Tanzanian island of Pemba in his own unique style ever since the ’70s. He can be identified by his smell (reputed to be quite pungent), and also by the fact that he is a one-eyed flying ogre … He attacks only men, sneaking into their houses at night and buttburgling them for up to an hour, then–in an oddly familiar twist to anyone who reads superhero comics–demanding that they tell all their friends about him.

I realize this is completely unnecessary but, hell, that’s what you get here on the ‘tubes sometimes.

Of course, it’s from Cracked on the weirdest mythical creatures ever.

Ahh, our friend Bigfoot has been heard. You read that right. HEARD.

While they didn’t see hide nor hair of the beast itself, 20 people taking part in a four-day search for Bigfoot in West Virginia say they found tracks believed to have been made by the elusive creature.

Members of the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization’s 2008 West Virginia expedition also claim to have heard sounds made by Sasquatch.

Bigfoot should be a spy for the U.S. Government. He is an elusive fellow.