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As I was driving into Nashville yesterday before I imbibed in an evening of good-natured debauchery with some truly fabulous people (IVY, I love my zombie Elvis more than I love cheese and I’m pretty damned fond of cheese. Mark, my hat is groovy and I’m wearing it right now in my pajamas), I turned the radio on and found several sports programs talking pretty much about one thing.

Rha-ger.

I called sports diva Squirrelly and gave her some of the highlights from some of the live updates that Colin Cowherd, Jim Rome and Mike Turrico were giving and it occurred to me that the Rocket, who was never one of my favorite pitchers by any stretch of the imagination, thinks this nation is rather stupid. Or at least that’s what I got out of it. I didn’t know we owed Roger anything but apparently we do. I’ll be sure to set up that shrine I’m apparently supposed to have when I get home.

Listen, he says he didn’t take steroids and that it was his wife who took HGH, yada, yada, yada … but Brian McNamee said he did. I’m thinking Rha-ger did something but who knows.

What grossed me out though is that Roger Clemens blamed everyone in the world for his troubles and owned nothing. To hear Clemens tell it, he is the most victimized man in America. I’ll give him an B+ for being defiant, but the self-righteous stuff was …

Wait, have I ever told you that self-righteous folks make my skin crawl? I didn’t. Okay, Self-righteous people make my skin crawl. There you go.

I don’t blame him for defending himself. But the whole “the president found me in a duck blind” and “I wore USA across my chest” statements then basically saying “How dare you? I’m Roger Clemens, Lord of Baseball and I’m also kind to kittens” just made me sort of go “Blech.”

Clemens basically had his day in the sun under oath and he flailed around like a dying trout. McNamee isn’t a saint either. But why is it everyone else’s fault in Roger’s world. Petitte “misremembered?” Knoblach?

Bueller?

Baseball has taken worse hits. But no one won yesterday, quite frankly. Not Roger, Not McNamee and definitely not baseball where we as fans forgive stupid crap but we don’t forget. And Roger, you looked like a tittybaby. Man up, dude. You don’t have to be so defensive and snarly if you didn’t do it.

But, I’m thinking you did something or you wouldn’t have reacted the way you did.

Wanker.