NewscomaGot A Two-Pack Habit And A Motel Tan

At least according to Weekly World News, as is the tradition.

This cracks me up:

WASHINGTON, DC – In a shocking reversal with major implications for the U.S. presidential election, political kingmaker, the Alien has switched his endorsement from Barack Obama to John McCain amid furor. Both political camps are buzzing about the implications, as the Alien has correctly predicted the winning president in every election for the past 28 years.

Ongoing investigation points to Cindy McCain as being the cause for this historic shift in allegiances.

Uncovered photos suggest that in a last ditch effort to help her husband’s failing campaign, Cindy McCain seduced and then blackmailed the Alien for his endorsement.

Well, the alien has always endorsed. He’s going with McCain.

Weekly World News, I’m tired of our game. Just hire me already.

Southern Beale hits it out of the park with her post Fun With Photoshop.

Taking the picture from last week’s debate, here are some examples of a photoshop contest which is hysterical.

Total Diatribe also get in on the fun.

My dear friends, I got nothing this Monday morning, but as a fan of They Live, you knew I had to post this.

Well done, Sen. McCain.

That was filled with a great deal of class.

As I told the innertubes about 1000 times, the guy that drives the garbage truck, the dude delivering Miller Lite, the Republican on the street, nine advertisers and four bars, yesterday was my birthday. Let’s just say Hootervillians were kind last night making sure that I had presents, beer and a brand new camera (that rocks, I must add. My first touch screen on anything EVER.)

I didn’t watch the debate as carefully as I should have because birthday debauchery was at hand.

Homer did, however, and I have to tell you, One text to me called it “Fight Club.” The other one isn’t fit for this pseudo-family blog.

I’m the nice one in our tight knit sibling relationship.

I bring you her analysis:

“They BOTH didn’t answer the questions. McCain doesn’t get that there are people that don’t have seven houses. You lose three, you have four more. Government and taxes, not lack of work, is killing my small business. At least Obama answered that question of what I’m going to have to do during this crisis.”

She’s worried. She hasn’t been sleeping. She has business, that’s not the problem, but it’s taxes and health insurance that is kicking her butt.

We aren’t the only ones. Mack said it best in his post which I will send you to.

Homer has said several times during this election that she is tired of politicians talking down to her. She, and I for that matter, take care of budgets for companies. We are business people. We don’t get three martini lunches. We don’t have handlers and advisors.

Homer and I just work.

And, apparently, we aren’t going to get a bailout either. Sacrifice is fine, we don’t mind sacrificing. Our grandparents sacrificed. Our parents sacrificed.

But be up front about it, for crying out loud.

It is the sixth of October. For those of you who don’t know about the Keating Five, well, you are going to be inundated with information on it today.

Go read about it here and educate yourself about it in an article written nine years ago from the Arizona Republic. I have an excerpt but I encourage you to read the whole thing.

In spinning his side of the Keating story, McCain adopted the blanket defense that Keating was a constituent and that he had every right to ask his senators for help. In attending the meetings, McCain said, he simply wanted to make sure that Keating was treated like any other constituent.

Keating was far more than a constituent to McCain, however.

On Oct. 8, 1989, The Republic revealed that McCain’s wife and her father had invested $359,100 in a Keating shopping center in April 1986, a year before McCain met with the regulators.

The paper also reported that the McCains, sometimes accompanied by their daughter and baby-sitter, had made at least nine trips at Keating’s expense, sometimes aboard the American Continental jet. Three of trips were made during vacations to Keating’s opulent Bahamas retreat at Cat Cay.

McCain also did not pay Keating for the trips until years after they were taken, when he learned that Keating was in trouble over Lincoln. Total cost: $13,433.

This is what the news is talking about. I deliberately picked this story that was written nearly a decade ago to stay away from the election spin from both sides of the aisle you will be reading and seeing today.

With that said, I learned today of a small business that lives month to month. On Wednesday, they will have to pay $7,000 dollars in taxes. It’s a cycle. There are no bailouts. There are accountants involved, there has been responsibility taken. There is no credit line. These people work seven days a week. This family business is struggling here in Hoots. They had been paying their tax bill every month for nine years, but it’s never enough.

This small business has no money to buy influence because those are apparently the rules. The Keating Five is just one example of privilege and excess.

So, as you can see, when I see pork money attached to the bailout, the fact that I’m reorganizing the business I work for (a different business than the one mentioned above), looking at which lights to turn out to save everyone’s job and wondering the long-term impact of the actions of politicians last week, it’s disheartening.

I thought aspects of the bailout where needed from a global perspective but it’s the pork that makes me angry. There is no end in sight.

And then I read that some Wall Street execs are taking this “down time” to get facelifts.

Unbelievable.

From James Church, who is from Hoots and is at Ole Miss. He won the lottery. Not the money kind, but that one that allowed at the debate. He has a ton of observations that you might want to check out.

Here’s something else that they didn’t mention on TV. The room was cooled to 62 degrees Fahrenheit. The reason for the cool temperature is so the candidates won’t be able to sweat on camera. When the debated ended, we all quickly moved out of the auditorium just to get warm. I never felt better about returning to the Mississippi heat outside.

As the entire audience was moving to get back on a shuttle, reporters came up to us. Someone from the BBC Radio London asked me who I thought won the debate. I told her that I thought it was too close to call and both candidates appeared very strong. I told her that McCain was more agressive at attacking Obama on issues like the Russia/Georgia conflict, that I was supporting Obama, and that neither candidate said enough about the financial crisis. All I can think about today is that people in London, England are learning that James Church is completely looney.

Read the rest here.

Angela cracks me up.

Yeah, I watched the debate but I didn’t WATCH the debate because there were people around me who were talking about other things that distracted me. Try as I might, I gave up and just listened to drunk people talk about issues surrounding the debate but who weren’t listening to a dang thing either candidate was saying. Badger, who has babysat me during my existential crisis this week, also gave up.

We were in a conundrum.

The lesson I learned is don’t watch the debates on a Friday night in a juke joint. I wish I’d gone to Megan’s house but I digress.

What does this mean?

It means I have to watch the debate alone and process it later today. Yeah, it’s my way.

Now, why does Angela crack me up, as I got off task in a haze of too much news happening this week and the impending financial apocalypse.

Well, this:

But for now: I’m still in that pool of voters most likely to end up living in Mexico, drinking cheap beer, staring at pictures of Ron Paul and listening to sappy hair metal ballads.

I was thinking Canada as I really hate hot weather because it makes my hiney sweat. I like sweaters and Mabel looks sorta cute in the snow. I’m old. I can’t do hair metal but I think a bit of Miles Davis would do.

It honestly comes down to if the American public is buying what a candidate is selling.

Of course I think that John McCain suspending his campaign is a ploy and PR maneuvering.

Alas, I’m only one American voter.

On the surface, it appears that McCain is doing what’s best for the people, but politicians are tricky. Every move is coordinated with a choreography that would rival any Broadway musical. Right or left, it doesn’t matter. Politicians and their teams think things through.

Now, let’s look at the financial devastation that McCain missing Friday night’s debate at Ole Miss.

ABC News’ Tahman Bradley Reports: A senior University of Mississippi official reacted Wednesday to the news that Sen. John McCain R-Ariz., wants to postpone Friday’s presidential debate, saying that such a move would be “devastating” for the university which has already invested millions in preparation for the debate.

Candidates are sales people. The issues facing not only Wall Street but the nation are incredibly important, but American citizens multi-task all the time.

McCain can as well if he wants to be the leader of this country.

Please remind me never to tick David Letterman off.

Although, I must admit, I do love it when Dave gets cranky.

When I initially saw the name Palin, I, of course, thought of Monty Python and immediately was going to vote for John McCain.

Of course, the sad and telling truth came out that it was an Alaskan Governor I had never heard of.

The media frenzy over Sarah Palin over the last few weeks has been interesting to watch. The PUMAs, the sad fact that people are going to vote for her just because she’s a woman (and there are those folks out there) and the reality that she makes Dick Cheney look like a conservative bunny.

Well, one of these kind of bunnies:

Anyway, I’m thinking that with the gas and economic crisis that’s been going on and with the new knowledge that John McCain invented the Blackberry which is just as goofy as saying Al Gore invented the Internet (silly weapons of mass distraction each and every time) I’ve rethought my position on many things.

I invented air or at least I’m going to take credit for it.

Carry on.

Ivy and John both spotlighted the excellent videos of Craig Ferguson’s monologue from Wednesday night and from their responses, I think they were as enthusiastic about it as I was.

Go to either one of their cyber houses and watch it. Do it right now. Go on.

Mabel and I will wait.

All righty, I’m glad you are back.

This is one of the best political commentaries I’ve seen this election year. He doesn’t pick a side, but what he’s saying is important.

Every word is true. Here we have a man who just became an American citizen making more sense about the voting system than anyone I’ve seen in a long time.

And what he says is spot on. You see, we have 53 days until we vote for president. And, we are voting for a lot of things. We aren’t voting for media splashed misinformation, we aren’t voting for who looks best on television, we are voting for someone who will lead this country during a time of war and economic uncertainty.

It’s not about the stereotype and labels that the MSM is feeding us. It’s not about how pretty Sarah Palin is or what a great orator Barack Obama is. It’s not about John McCain’s history as a war vet or Joe Biden’s commute every night from DC.

It’s about the issues that are plaguing the American People.

I ask people pretty regularly if they have read the policies that both presidential candidates are offering. 8 times out of 10 they say they haven’t.

So I implore those of you to do so. Vote for the issues.

Don’t vote for what the media shoves down your throat. Vote for what is real, not what is good television.

Because, as Fergusen said, you are guys are smarter than that.