Newscoma

1. Why do people martyr themselves to come to work sick when it only makes other people sick? Argh!
2. As I’m not a fan of House Calls on CNN, the idea that Sanjay Gupta being Surgeon General oddly feels okay to me as long as they don’t replace the show with Lou Dobbs, who gives me an abnormal shake of rage and fear when he is on the air. I also wonder if this is a CNN ploy for attention although I hope not. I kinda like Sanjay.
3. Why can I write anything for anybody other than things that really matter like neurosurgery yet I cannot write my own resume? Why is this?
4. I helped Squirrel Queen not annihilate someone this evening who definitely needed annihilating. I was, oddly, the voice of reason against someone who was spouting off idiocy when it wasn’t deserved. My excuse: they weren’t worth it. SQ finally saw my point. Go here and look at bananas exploding on some dude’s head at her blog.
5. I’m still sort of smitten with Pinkey, however, I’ve kept my distance. When I move, and it will happen, I think I will miss her. She has become beloved by the nieces.
6. Huh?
7. This is brilliant.
8. Best and most disturbing Christmas present ever!
9. Very cool theory on The Joker. I vote for Lou Dobbs to be the Joker but that, of course, is reality and not a movie. (Sorry Lou, you are on my mind today.)
10. My blind dog has taken to barking at the toilet, even when she is alone in the bathroom. I believed after I saw Jaws as a child that sharks might be able to bite me in the bathroom in landlocked Tennessee. This, of course, is a sad fact that I’m reporting to you from my ill-begotten days of my youth. It also could be a sign that I’m not that smart. I felt like this is something you probably needed to know.

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Lost starts in one week. For those of us who adore the show, this is good news but the writer’s strike may impact the series.

Or not.

With that said, I found this and it made me wonder about the whole phenomenon of the whole show.

It’s called Everything I Need to Know I Learned From Lost … I like this one.

7) There is no such thing as a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ person: No-one on the island is free of some crime. Everyone has done something wrong and everyone has done something right. The ambiguity of Lost – its refusal to box people in, whether Juliet, Kate or Charlie – is its greatest and most honest triumph. This, perhaps more than any other reason is why Lost is the show for the uncertain and morally ambiguous 2000’s.

Well, that is more than true about the show. But I’ve learned more from just Lost.

How I learned not to throw matches at piles of wood soaked in gasoline at a party in the country when I was a kid from another teenager who wasn’t too bright (We warned him.) How LOLCats have taken over America, which disturbs me although I realize they are beloved so I just go with the flow on it. How Lou Dobbs has freaked me out for years and if he becomes president I would have to go just sit on the roof for about six weeks (Thanks CNN, you’ve taught me to0.)

But, yeah, I’ve learned a great deal from Lost. Mainly that Jack being the leader of this crew is not of the good and that folks really need to listen to Sayid.

Just saying.

There are a few things in my life that I never, ever want to happen

1. I do not want Crabs. (I like Crab to eat in a lovely basil butter sauce, I’m talking about the other kind.)

2.  I do not ever want to be in a train wreck.

3. I do not want to ever have to say the words: President Lou Dobbs.

Just saying.

The Writer’s Strike continues, so I guess it’s time for us to face the reality that TV might go into the toilet. The Office isn’t taping, Lost is looking at half a season and other shows are looking at a cold, dark winter.

So, in the spirit of being spunky, I’ve decided that we need to give some ideas to Hollywood in case this goes on to where we are watching “Dateline” every night and I just can’t deal with Chris Matthews or Lou Dobbs (where there is some smoke he’s running for president although I doubt it.)

I’m going to need some Xanax if that happens but I digress.

Our first show would be “What is Hillary Wearing?” A nightly show about the fashion world of the former first lady/New York senator/presidential candidate. Each night, we will look if she is wearing diamonds or pearls. Policy Shmolicy. It’s about fashion, bitches. CNN will cover this television masterpiece by planting questions amongst the contestants who must determine if Clinton is wearing aged coal or oyster hard thingies. And for a special feature, Wolf Blitzer will do the cha-cha for viewers in a tu-tu. Of course, it could be argued that we get this every night on cable news. I guess I’m stealing an idea. Call me a thief if you must.

Our second show will be called “Find The Spoon.” This reality show, developed by Squirrel Queen, is about finding spoons in garbage disposals across the South. The hijinks will be amazing as people look for spoons while trying not to get their hands grinded off and will compete at a mystery location that might be a meth trailer or a plantation. Imagine the fun. Our host will be, of course, Larry the Cable Guy. Contestants will vie for $5,000 and a luncheon with Simon Cowell, right after a Botox treatment. He just might be surly, which will create a world of whimsy for viewers.

Finally, “Milk Your Neighbor’s Pet” which was inspired by tonight’s Amazing Race. To see contestants milk a camel brought me great joy. Imagine if contestants had to go to their neighbor’s house to milk a guinea pig. This would be glorious. Or how about an Iguana. This could be just about as amusing as “America’s Home Videos.” Or “According to Jim.”

***sigh***

It’s best to plan ahead, don’t you think?

Of course, if you want to know what’s going on from a writer about the writer’s strike, check out Ken Levine or Jane Espenson.

I bet they have better ideas than I do but I think “Find The Spoon” would be a blockbuster. Hell, people watched Paris Hilton for pete’s sake.

I’ve still got Ninja Warrior, and that, campers, is indeed something.