NewscomaGot A Two-Pack Habit And A Motel Tan

I woke up this morning with a huge case of the middle-aged crazies. I’m usually more than all right with getting older but every once in a while, I have a meltdown.

I noticed the gray. I like the gray in my hair quite actually. It’s at the temples. My hair is as ash-blonde though (or was) so now there are white streaks slowly moving in. I stared at it contemplatively as what does one do. I stared into the mirror, squinting because I’m now in trifocals, and grimaced.
I realized I’m in my mid-40s and it totally knocked my cranium about.
And then I had to have a conversation with my inside voice. Shut up. You know you have these too.

Me: Arrgghhhaaaa!
Inside Voice: Get over it. So you have some gray hair. I think it’s kinda sexy.
Me: Arrrgghhhaaa!!
IV: You could be dead, you know. Lord knows I don’t how you made it this long.
Me: (calming down) I’m … I still wear Chuck Taylors. I can’t be getting old.
IV: Consider yourself seasoned.
Me: What about the sleep deficit thing? What about that? It’s like that Stephen King book “Insomnia.” Am I going to start seeing little doctors cutting the life ribbons on people? Am I?! DAMMIT!! AM I??!!
IV: Quit being so melodramatic.
Me: My staff didn’t even get my joke last summer about my car being Steve Austin! The joke doesn’t work it they don’t even know who he is.
IV: It was funny.
Me: I thought so too.
IV: You are going to be all right.
Me: I’m not dyeing my hair.
IV: Good for you.
Me: Seriously, people always are telling me to dye my hair. Hell, I’m getting a Mohawk. Where’s my Sex Pistols Album. (I started singing “Bodies” as loud as I could in the middle of the night.)
IV: Not a good look for you I’m afraid. And you will scare the dogs if you do it.
Me: And I’m not buying a flat iron. Why does everyone want me to buy a flat iron? Most people get perms for crying out loud.
IV: You’ve never had any fashion sense. These things are beyond you. Just own it.
Me: Bite me.

This conversation went on for two hours. My inner voice told me many things but the most prevalent ideas where that A.) I’m vainer than I knew and B.) I possibly need a live-in life coach.
If you haven’t hit 40 yet, this might not make any sense to you. If you have, I have a feeling you know what I’m talking about.
And I’ve lost my love for PopTarts.
What the hell is that all about?

Whupped. Beat. Tired.

Yeah, I’m either observant or whiny depending on what you read in today’s horoscope for Libras. (It’s what it said. I’m not making this up.)

But, with that said, all is well in Comaland.

But I’m not getting this. Not at all. Could someone explain?

And I hadn’t heard this either recently, but then again, I’ve heard it for a few years as well usually in juke joints in west Tennessee where there is Pabst Blue Ribbon available for a buck. I still think Bill Richardson is in the running for VP, but one never knows.

KAG asks a good question. Why would Wal-Mart sell used merchandise as new? Pondering, pondering.

Oh, yeah, Stephen King is right. Again.

Finally, my new favorite word is douchenozzle.

Time Magazine asked some famous folks about who they thought was person of the year. NBC Anchor Brian Williams had a pretty good one but I have to give props to Stephen King. I like the fact that he’s becoming a bit of a curmudgeon with really good hair.

He said this:

Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan symbolize the media’s growing obsession with issues of personality over substance. People care more about the details of Spears’ child-custody case than they do about where the billions the U.S. government has poured into Iraq have gone. It’s time for a discussion about whether the news media have chucked their responsibilities and run off to Tabloid Disneyland.

Of course, Squirrel Queen said it was her as I began writing this post.

My vote is for Dick Cheney’s cardiologist. How he ever found a heart underneath all that is an act not of a doctor, but a miracle worker.

Just saying with a bit of snark on this fine Tuesday morning.

Squeegee Monkey, the bro-in-law, voted this one as very, very freaked out.

He especially doesn’t like it when cute kid, Gage, asks for folks to come out and “play with him.”

This clip is not for the squeamish of friends of Herman Munster.

[youtube=[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WPa8efza3s&rel=1]

Arrrrrghgggghhhhhhh.

Come play with us, Danny.

[youtube=[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aG5X8xvL2_k&rel=1]

Forever.

Spine-chilling. And then Danny getting reassurance from his finger.

Weirdness.

Kubrick liked to mess with us, didn’t he?

Pennywise the clown is just about perfect as movie monsters go, don’t you think?

[youtube=[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_D64bt_ZzU4&rel=1]

Kat, sorry, but it is scary.

“Oh, yes Georgie, they float.”

Yikes.