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“You take my life when you do take the means whereby I live.”

William Shakespeare

This is where we get into the emotional part of being unemployed.

If this is going to be too much for you, here is a photo of a puppy named Foster who used to live here. However, let me say, there are huge valleys that accompany unemployment on a feelings level and instead of pretending it doesn’t exist, let’s take a look at it instead.

Rejection is a mighty hard beast to fight.

When you initially lose your job, people are actually quite wonderful and tell you that you’re gonna be okay. However, when you are in the middle of it, it’s hard not to feel like water is running into your lungs and that you’ll never breathe again. The kind thoughts of others are absolutely great, but at the end of the day there can be an overwhelming sense of desperate loneliness.

People do mean well, but if they aren’t living it, they aren’t going to get it. It’s that simple. And I send you to Ginger who gives a wonderful list of things that folks say that are meant with the utmost of love, yet can trigger those of us who are bit older and never been faced with this dilemma before. As she says, it’s not like we asked for this roadblock.

It’s just part of it. I did a bit of research on the emotional warfare that goes on within our very inner beings regarding unemployment. I realized that our friends, family and loved ones can see that we are in a temporary life cycle that will pass. But, seriously, don’t feel bad about feeling bad either.

Stuffing all those overwhelming feelings deep inside of you can create a great deal of stress.

I realized after having been out on the pavement this summer that I have always identified myself with the job that I had. As I have a somewhat niche chosen profession, there were times that I just didn’t know who I was anymore. Now, six months ago, I would have told you that the theory was bunk. Alas, it’s true. There is an overwhelming feeling that somehow part of my identity was stripped out of my body.

Who am I now? What do I want to do next? Does anyone want me? In some ways, it’s like going through a divorce or the loss of a loved one. I think we all go through stages of grief and loss when we find ourselves unemployed.

No one is playing the victim here. Emotions are very important to any aspect of our lives because it is the essence of who we are. Losing a job is loss but, for the most part, people don’t want to know about the touchy-feely parts of our lives. Let’s be honest, there are good people out there but when they hit their end of the day, the biggest thought on their minds is what’s going on in their own  homes and what they are going to have for supper that evening.

That’s NOT rejection, it’s just reality. We are human beings.

It’s hard though, doing the Mary Sunshine act all the time, and the best advice I can give you is not to deny yourself when it starts hurting YOU. It’s best to take a vacation than live in a pretend world where rainbows and unicorns are expected. I’ve been more fortunate than most.  There are days though that I wish to stay at home and hermit out. I think some of us just sit down and cry sometimes which is actually quite cathartic. Little things that once would have been no big issue turn into Greek tragedies. Last week, I had a virus. I had backed everything up on a Passport external hard drive EXCEPT my resume. This weekend, I’m having to totally recreate the damned thing again. For some, this would have been a small blip in the road.

For me, you would have thought the house had caught on fire and Satan was sitting in the living room eating tacos.

Although I can only share my own experiences, I find that remaining social is important. I meet friends, I try not to talk to much about what’s going on and when I specifically do need a shoulder to lean on, I am upfront about it.

Tennessee isn’t any different than any other place when going through the very real consequences of losing one’s job.

There are only a few things I can suggest (and some of them come from me making mistakes regarding my own experiences.)

1. Don’t slack on taking care of yourself.
2. If you are in emotional upheaval, don’t go looking for a fight.
3. If you need a shoulder to cry on, pick and choose wisely. You know who your real friends are and if they are your friends, they will take care of you when you are down.
4. Don’t burn bridges just because things aren’t going your way.
5. Don’t embrace your depression over your lack of job because it’s easy to do that. It’s sometimes hard to realize that you’re depressed, but when it hits you, do something you’ve never done before. Go walk in the park, go have a beer with your friends, volunteer with a local organization that helps others. (I will have a whole post on that later.) Get outside yourself. Karma is pretty cool and small things can be given back to you that will help with the negative emotions that you are feeling.
6. Go out and see what lurks beneath. You may wonder what I’m saying but this summer I have had a great deal of joy talking to people that I’ve know forever and finding the story within the story. As a writer, this has saved my sanity.
7. Seek joy.
8. Yes, our self-esteem is battered. Realize that that is a symptom, not the problem. Don’t get me wrong, the problem is VERY real, but on the other hand, nothing is thrown at us that we can’t handle.  I was told recently the secret in finding my footing was within myself. No one is going to love/need us for their business if we don’t love ourselves.
9. Obstacles can be mourned, but they don’t need to be roadblocks.
10. If it gets too bad, go talk to someone. If you don’t have the money due to the elimination of healthcare, try this. And also take a look at symptoms you might not recognize that could be big signs that you are in a depression. Have you ever heard of situational depression? This could be the case. As this article says, “sometimes life sucks and it gets you down.”

Now, I realize that some of that might be a bit trite. It can’t hurt either. Just be yourself and, you guys may have to remind me of this later on, realize this is just a temporary bump in the road.

Emotions are more than all right. And it’s best to wade through them before they get higher than our heads in dealing with unemployment. Yes, we have some very real battles, but on the other hand, so did the people that came before us.

Our next post will deal with maintaining your online image, the hazards of seeking employment online and resources that are positive and helpful.

Some people get severance checks and then others don’t which is just a fact. I received a small severance for which I’m more than grateful for, but some folks have to dive in immediately to filing for unemployment.

And let’s remember, severance only lasts so long.

There are a couple of ways to file. First of all, it is much easier if you have access to a computer. One thing I have learned is that not everyone has this luxury or the skills. For bloggers, this might seem incomprehensible but it’s true. Another way to do this is to make a visit to the local unemployment office and then call your weekly certification in my telephone. We will get to that in a minute.

I went to the Tennessee website at the Department of Labor and Workforce to fill out my unemployment once my severance ran out. I had no idea what I was doing and it was extremely frustrating the first time I got online to do it. As I sometimes can be a critic of how websites are done, I have to say this one is offline as much as it is online. I am assuming that the high traffic is a factor here, but I know from personal experience that  you are going to need to set aside some time to fill out your information the first time out. You are also going to have to set aside additional time each week when it’s your day to call, which can vary due to the last four digits of your social security number. As I said, traffic on the site appears to break it sometimes and I have had to learn to be patient.

The most frustrating thing in the beginning is that I felt like I was talking to robot overlords. I didn’t understand the process. I read the material but there were some questions I had. Was I supposed to go to the local office? Did they need a copy of my separation notice? Didn’t the office need proof that I have been seeking employment?

I talked to computer voices and it started getting under my skin. This was one of those times that I felt so hopeless that I didn’t know if I was coming or going.

And, during these dark two weeks with no human contact regarding my benefits, I tried to be proactive by helping other folks who weren’t computer literate fill out their certification. It kept me motivated to a degree. One person bought me a beer to help him out and another person gave me some cayenne peppers. I started wondering if this is how my great-grandparents felt during the depression. Bartering services because we were all in it together.

I finally had just about all I could take talking to computers who didn’t answer questions, so I called Sen. Roy Herron’s office as well as Rep. Mark Maddox’s, who during this time had just gotten out of the hospital after a nasty bout of Pancreatitis. I didn’t want to bother Mark because I had seen Squirrel Queen’s father go through a bout of this and it wasn’t fun nor pretty. That’s one thing that I’ve learned this summer is sometimes you have to ask for help when it comes to knowing what your rights are and you need to know who to call.

Many Tennessee state offices are all computerized and it can be daunting. It was Herron’s secretary that gave me a number to a local woman who, although she didn’t work for unemployment, answered a few questions that helped me figure out how to talk to a real person. This, my friends, is why never to be afraid to call your elected officials. They can help you and their staffs are usually wonderful. It’s just a matter of picking up the phone.

So, after weeks of feeling like I was being treated as a domestic terrorist (which was my emotional stuff, not the state’s)  just because I wanted to file unemployment, I received some information and had a check within two weeks.

The unemployment office route is not always consistent. I didn’t have to go to any offices in the long-run but Squirrel Queen’s sister did.

I still haven’t figured that one out yet. If you know why this occurred, please let us know in the comments.

A couple of tips:

1. Have identification readily available. I learned that from SQ’s sis as well as some of the guys I helped out and also have all your paperwork together. If you don’t, the waiting period is much longer.
2. Be polite and just tell the folks you will finally talk to the truth. If you were downsized, tell them. I explained to the worker that my separation papers cited that my former employers had eliminated my position completely due to financial constraints.) If it was your fault for getting canned, tell them. Don’t be defensive and don’t burn bridges, but also remember, YOU WORKED FOR THIS MONEY. It’s yours.
3. Try to maintain some sense of humor even those this stuff isn’t a laughing matter. It just helps if you do and it’s hard to accomplish sometimes but it will help your peace of mind.
4. Do not be afraid to call your local rep or senator and ask what the heck is going on. This may be the time you need their help and don’t be intimidated to use this option. They work for us. Remember that.
5. There isn’t any way around it, you are going to have to be patient. And it’s not a day at the beach.

Once you get things set up, it honestly goes much smoother. And, yes, it’s easier to say that now than it was when I was in the midst of all of it.

This is the second in a series of being unemployed in Tennessee. The next chapter: Keeping some sanity when it feels like things are falling apart at the seams. Some dos and don’ts of managing your free time. Believe me, I’ve made some whoppers of mistakes here.

Christian Grantham spoke to me about writing about being unemployed in Tennessee right now and I thought about it. I initially told him that balancing real life issues in comparison to what this blog is all about is tricky business.  I’ve tried to keep much of this latest chapter in my life relatively light-hearted. I don’t want to “whine” when people all over the state are going through the same thing as I am.

He agreed, but it got me thinking. Maybe, in some ways, I can help.

So, for awhile at least, I’m going to try to share some of the practical things I’ve learned over this summer with folks who might be going through the same thing. I’m also going to let you know what I had to do.

First, a bit of an annoying autobiographical pause on my history, that might explain certain things about how this is the first time in my life I’ve ever been on unemployment due to the elimination of my position at my former job and some of the stuff that goes along with it.

I’ve always been recruited from one job to go to another. I’ve had it pretty easy, quite frankly. I knew the signs were there for possibly losing the position and, in retrospect, there wasn’t a great deal I could do to avoid the inevitable. I was the highest paid middle manager at my company and it really came down to dollars. I negotiated high when I took the job which later came back to haunt me but I would do it again. When I found myself without work, it was a shot in the gut to a large degree for a variety of reasons. I have learned a great deal about humility this summer. I had been looking for a couple of years around the state but what looked like opportunities turned into being dead ends.

Realistically, people want you to work for free especially online and in news these days. The freelance jobs I’ve been offered barely cover my cell phone bill for the month and then you have to balance that with unemployment benefits so  you don’t lose that which is the only lifeline of financial support currently available. This, campers, is important. Instead of writing, it honestly would behoove me to take two shifts a week as a bartender to keep my benefits, which I have honestly considered.

It was pretty frustrating knowing what you are looking at and, try as  you might, nothing was coming into play. There isn’t a soul who knows me that I tried to cut this off at the pass.

But we live in a recession, and if you look here in Hoots, it’s a full-blown depression. It is what it is.

In the past, I think all of us, especially people at my age, knew someone who knew another person that could help us find gainful employment. Now that there are so many people without work, that dynamic isn’t available.

Savings, due to health care expenses and lack of decent insurance, were pretty non-existent. Even families such as mine who own small businesses have seen dwindling customers because of the overall lack of money being spent. Disposable incomes for many of us are nonexistent.

We are just one family going through these unfortunate chain of events. It really doesn’t matter how clever you are, it’s hard to fight invisible financial monsters living in our houses. And this is happening all over the state and this country.

The week I lost my job, I met another ten people who had met the same fate as mine. Squirrel Queen’s sister was laid off the Monday after I was downsized the previous Friday. On the block I live on, three out of four houses have an unemployed person living in them.

And although people are kind, we all know we are on our own.

So, due to Christian, I’m going to write a series of posts here on some of the things I’ve learned over the summer. Some of it isn’t so bad, other parts had me chewing my fingernails to the bone.

Hopefully, some of these things will help others out who are in the same boat as I am. We can maybe help each other out.

And the first line of advice I can give you is remain connected to everyone virtually or non-virtually. I’ll talk about that in a later post.

Next in the series, you aren’t going to talk to actual people when you file for unemployment and there are two ways to go about it that you are going to need to know.

Information is hard to come by and you will find that word of mouth from other folks who have lost their jobs may save your ass.

Now that some of the smoke has cleared and I’ve been around humans where I wasn’t feeling like my hair was on fire and that I needed to stop, drop and roll, I’m starting to get some perspective. Or maybe I am going through another phase of the seven degrees of grief.

I wrote a post that felt pretty good over at NewsTechZilla about my first baby steps in a world where I don’t have a job, a title and a place to go in the morning.

Aunt B. said yesterday that it is important that I grieve. I think that’s important. The Memphis Steves basically told me that everything was going to be alright as well. Those words are comforting and I guess I’m a bit needy to hear gentle sweet things that I can’t say to myself right now.

I’m still a little unsure about this new development but I do appreciate hearing such kindness. And, I find that I’m smiling easier and I don’t feel like an anvil keeps slamming into my stomach every 15 minutes. (That was sucky, I have to tell you. Now it’s only about once every two hours.)

I guess if you look at the seven stages of grief, I am hopeful I’m in Step 5 right now. You can read the others but I’ll  #5 which I feel is important. It’s called the Upward Turn and even though these are about the loss of a loved one, sometimes loss of an era is also significant.

A huge test for me this evening is that I will be meeting friends, especially one who I went to high school with who is visiting from California, and I’m a bit apprehensive about it. I don’t mind talking about the layoff with my buddies. These are my friends and they get me. The thing I’m worried about is other people coming up and talking to me about the layoff. I haven’t really had to deal with this before in Hoots and I’m a bit nervous. I realize that this is a preconceived obstacle I’ve created in my own mind, but it’s still something I’m a bit weird about.

These are the things that are still raw, you know.

However, the good part is that I’m trying to get organized, back up in the saddle and I know that this is a part of it.

You see, I realize I’m not the only one. I just write about it.

Things that I’m pretty good at:

1. Eating pickles.
2. Giving away puppies.
3. Wandering around the countryside.
4. Laughing
5. Creating bromances
6. Making sure that Mabel is always completely comfortable (She’s a bear when she’s not.)
7. Taking pictures of toys in bars and in unusual places
8. Listening (believe it or not.)
9. Hanging out with Mr. Bob, Mr. Jimmy and other Hootsvillians that I think are groovy.
10. Making tomato and vidalia onion with basil salad.

Things I’m not good at:

1. Eating jello (it makes me gag.)
2. Brain Surgery (haven’t gotten one right yet.)
3. Crab Fishing (as I’ve never fished.)
4. Telemarketing (I just don’t like it.Giving or receiving.)
5. Making fire.
6. Vacuuming or cleaning a toilet.
7. I’m not a good golddigger.
8. Wearing silver spandex (well, any spandex actually.)
9. Sewing homemade clothes
10. I cannot bake.

So, as I haven’t done a resume in more than 15 years, does this qualify?

Oh and I am a self-educated zombie expert. Just saying.

Heh.

Well, we decided to go where the jobs are so it might not be in Hoots. I mentioned this last night on Twitter. I haven’t found anything yet (I didn’t mean to be misleading on there as folks where asking where I was going. Oops.)

I will go where I’m wanted. Being unemployed is like being at prom when no one is asking you to dance to a large degree.

Now, if you don’t want to hear some of the details about what is happening at Chez Coma, look at the dog sweater with a crab on it.

Our vacation was cut short due to the new developments. This ego of mine here in Hoots has been hit rather hard and proper. I guess everyone that loses their job goes through this, where for the first few days you fluctuate from feeling optimistic to feeling like you live in the gutter.

This too shall pass. I had one of those gutter moments yesterday returning to Hoots.

I initially thought I was going to get to purchase the computer I’ve been using for two years from the Powers That Be but they decided due to licensing of the software that they want it back. I’m backing everything up on it and getting it ready to return to them later today. As soon as I get my severance pay, I’ve found an inexpensive PC for purchase but I want the check in hand before I do that. I had one but the hard drive is out and I found out about a month ago that to fix it would cost about the same price as a new computer.

Ahh, disposable laptops, you are so cute.

So, for about two more days, I’m going to have to suck it up, deal with some of the details of what’s in the past until I can get on the path of the future.

I was talking to my Memphis buddy, Dabney, about the job market over the weekend. She is in administration and has been looking for a job for a about a month. In the past, it used to be that when you needed a job, we knew a friend (or friend of a friend) that could help out.

Now those friends have family members (or the like) that need those jobs so word of mouth isn’t what it once was in finding employment. Instead of interviews, I’ve learned from Ginger that most everything is being prepared online so that personal connection isn’t there.

I wonder how I will translate under those conditions?

Anyway, blogging will be a bit sporadic until I find my footing on the computer front, get the severance check and pack for the adventure. For the time being, I feel a bit invisible.

I guess that’s normal.

I stood in the rain with a lot of like-minded people last night in Memphis. Left Wing Cracker’s schnauzer let me play with her after letting a standard-sized poodle named Francois have whatfor.

I like that dog.

We talked politics. We discussed grilled meat (six dozen brats were cooked. That’s a hell of a lot of brats.) I ate the best sauerkraut I’ve ever tasted. Hugs were given. Hugs were received.

I was told repeatedly that things were going to be okay. I also realized with friends, well, they are in it with you.

There was encouragement that was greatly needed. There were scotch eggs that I enjoyed. There were faces I knew, and new ones that I met.

It rained so hard that I stood talking to a local politician and we just let the skies overflow beat down on us. We laughed.

Sometimes, despite the rain, you just let it wash over you. It’s best to laugh. We will never be this young again.

And we looked at opportunities for a better tomorrow, which is today.

I am smitten with my blogger friends. They know the right time to give me a hug. They know the right things to say.

Later, I will go to the Blue Monkey and eat bisque and drink mimosas.

It’s not always easy, my friends, but life isn’t too bad.

Not in the least.

Jim Voorhies has a call on his blog to help some of his unemployed friends.

As many of you know who’ve read this blog for any length of time, I’ve been a bit gobsmacked at the changes in my chosen profession. It’s honestly given me brain strain for about six to eight months.

I’ve tried to think of viable options for myself, as others who are facing shaky employment. I have talked to other folks who have gone through this as well and it’s sometimes paralyzing.

Then I read this by Katherine Coble, who has been through this herself and she breaks down some of the feelings beautifully.

I’d still really like to see some type of mortgage relief put into place. I know from personal experience that when one is jobless, the spectre of losing one’s home can kill hope. I’ve seen firsthand how the spectre of joblessness is dwarfed by the thought of all comforts being ripped away. It kills health and marriages. * I insist that if we want to have any meaningful economic recovery it must include some type of mortgage relief. The easiest and least interventionist is still the automatic stay that I mentioned months ago. Just as you can put your student loan payments on hold when you lose your job, you ought to be able to put your mortgage on hold. Doing so would remove about 75% of the stress of joblessness. It would make layoffs less catastrophic for communities and strengthen banks’ positions on their mortgage investments. With fewer defaults due to unemployment, mortgages again become a worthwhile place to put your money. The best part of this plan is that it doesn’t cause the government to go into further debt.

Coble breaks most things down with a common sense attitude as she does here.

This next year will be a telling, trying time for many Americans.

We got the call from an upset employee who said that she was losing her job. A plant that has been around for most of my life is closing. My grandmother worked there for awhile when I was a child.

Another call came in. My cell phone started ringing off the hook. The employees at what is called Martin Manufacturing but really goes by the name Fecheimer, thought they were going to be negotiating some issues in their contract.

Instead, it was more of “we are closing in 60 days.”

Another 150 jobs lost in an area that has already lost several plants. The factory makes uniforms and is what we call a “needle and thread” plant.

It was the last of them here. We are supposed to get the “official” word today but the employees told us yesterday afternoon. There were tears and fear of what will happen next. Somebody may be able to pull something out of their hat here but I’m not optimistic.

The company is owned by Berkshire Hathaway whose CEO is Warren Buffett. Fecheimer was founded in 1842.

This is just another huge loss for this community.