NewscomaGot A Two-Pack Habit And A Motel Tan

At least according to Weekly World News, as is the tradition.

This cracks me up:

WASHINGTON, DC – In a shocking reversal with major implications for the U.S. presidential election, political kingmaker, the Alien has switched his endorsement from Barack Obama to John McCain amid furor. Both political camps are buzzing about the implications, as the Alien has correctly predicted the winning president in every election for the past 28 years.

Ongoing investigation points to Cindy McCain as being the cause for this historic shift in allegiances.

Uncovered photos suggest that in a last ditch effort to help her husband’s failing campaign, Cindy McCain seduced and then blackmailed the Alien for his endorsement.

Well, the alien has always endorsed. He’s going with McCain.

Weekly World News, I’m tired of our game. Just hire me already.

Cuppa sent me a link yesterday and my world might realign itself to where my dreams have been answered and I can return to my once former cheerful self.

A New York investors group calling itself Bat Boy LLC has bought the one-time supermarket tabloid Weekly World News from American Media Operations Inc., it was announced over the weekend.

Weekly World News, which on its online version refers to itself as “The World’s Only Reliable News,” has for nearly three decades spun out tales of alien invasions, fantastic archeological discoveries, and, most memorably, of Bat Boy, a half-human, half-bat creature found in a cave back in 1992.

The new CEO of Weekly World News,
Neil McGiness, referred indirectly to Bat Boy, which inspired a Broadway play, in the statement announcing the sale.

“The Weekly World News is a powerful brand in publishing, entertainment and online,” he said. “The Weekly World News brand and its characters have inspired musicals, books, feature film projects and television shows over the years. We see tremendous potential for growing the brand and significantly expanding the business.”

I’m for hire, WWN. Get it together and call me.

I’ll do your Bigfoot/Zombie beat.

Image credit

Oh, Sharon Cobb sent me this and it’s too good not to post.

MOTOR racing boss Max Mosley yesterday admitted to a court he was hooked on kinky sex – but insisted Nazis were a turn-off.

Mosley, 68, who is suing over loss of privacy after he was filmed in an orgy with hookers, told how he was interested in S&M from a young age.

He said he got a “thrill” out of being spanked by scantily clad prostitutes and beating them, insisting it was “a perfectly harmless activity”.

Formula 1 boss Mosley – son of the British Fascist leader Sir Oswald – said he could think of few things as “unerotic” to him as Nazis.

He also said Jean, his wife of 48 years, knew nothing of his fetish.

Now don’t go thinking that’s the whole story. There’s much more.

Let’s think about this. Mosley is 68. He says he’s a bit deaf (as yours truly is temporarily.) There is an audio recording. I cannot even begin to get into the whole “Nazis aren’t sexy but being sadomasochistic is just plum groovy fun.”

As you know, I’m still reeling from the loss of Weekly World News not hiring me.

I wonder if The Sun would hire me. I could do some smash up work on Bigfoot, Zombies and The Labour Party. They need more of that and I’m their girl.

I’m still trying to figure this out.

The Catholic Church is saying some things. No, not about communion, but about aliens. From Mars.

The Pope’s chief astronomer says that life on Mars cannot be ruled out.

Writing in the Vatican newspaper, the astronomer, Father Gabriel Funes, said intelligent beings created by God could exist in outer space.

Father Funes, director of the Vatican Observatory near Rome, is a respected scientist who collaborates with universities around the world.

The search for forms of extraterrestrial life, he says, does not contradict belief in God.

As you know, I always wanted to work for Weekly World News. Then they shut down. Then I became shiftless, started drinking too much, lost my way, tried to write bad poetry about Yetis and attempted to seek BatBoy out by myself.

Alas, I lost my funding. It was only $3.64 but it went towards the cause.

One of these days, some big outfit is going to hire my happy self to cover big stories about Bigfoot. And we know, of course, now this photo is true.

The truth is out there.